Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. –Galatians 6:7
One of the most difficult facets of parenting is found in moments of having to demonstrate tough love. One such form of tough love is in allowing our children to take full responsibility for their actions, including any consequences that ensue. As a mom, it is often much easier to jump in and run interference or make excuses for our child’s behavior than it is to allow him or her to go through the pain of the consequences.
It starts when our children are young. When they are five years old and they take a candy bar from the grocery store. Do you overlook it? Do you make excuses for him, saying that he’s too young to understand what he did? Or, do you take him back to the store and stand lovingly by his side while he hands the candy bar back to the manager while explaining what he did and apologize for his actions?
Do you come to your child’s defense every time he gets in trouble at school? Or do you firmly, but lovingly stand by his side and support the teacher or principal as they hand out the consequences for his actions? My husband and I decided early on that we would never disagree or air our dissatisfaction with a teacher in front of our children. Our children knew that we respected and supported the teacher. There were a small handful of moments when I went to their teacher to discuss my grievances, but it was always done in private.
In 2006, Clinical Psychologist, Patricia Dalton wrote an article for the Washington Post describing a group of parents that were outraged when a group of their high school seniors were expelled for cheating on their SATs with the result that their prized college acceptances were rescinded. Ms. Dalton goes on to offer a grim forecast of shirking responsibility, “The tendency to shirk the burden of responsibility permeates our family rooms and our boardrooms.”
We are raising the next generation that will lead our churches, corporations and country. As godly parents, we must learn to embrace the tough love opportunities as teachable moments that could impact not just our children’s future, but the also the future of those our children will one day lead.
How do you deal with it when your children do something that warrants consequences? Do you find it hard to allow them to experience the ‘reaping and sowing’ realities of life?
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