Raising strong-willed children is like having an army of toddlers in your home. These iron-willed babes will test every boundary and challenge any directive given. Please tell me you know what I’m talking about, do you have a stubborn kiddo that you love so much but he/she makes you want to pull your hair out? I’m hoping y’all can relate to the limit testing sessions my youngest has been devising since she entered the terrible three’s (Twos were a breeze mamas; it’s the threes we need to prepare for!)
She has decided that pottying everywhere other than the bathroom is way more fun, and no matter the direction I give her, she flat out refuses unless it’s her idea. The final straw was the stunt she pulled on Wednesday night for Rainbows class. She threw a fit because she didn’t want to sit at the table and color.
So I warned her, “Tori, if you continue your tantrum, I will take you home right now and you can go to bed, this is your last chance!”
Tori replied with authority, “YES, take me home, I want to go to bed!”
What parent can win when the child has figured out the logic of the game? Frustrated, I left her there screaming, while other parents gave me the, ‘Oh-you’re-that-kind-of-parent’ look.
This past Sunday my pastor opened my eyes to what I had forgotten about parenting. Because these past few months had been so trying, I had lost site of what really matters as a mother. I was focused on remedying the behavior, not shaping their hearts. If I wanted my children to trust and obey me, I need to be mold their hearts like God was molding mine. God doesn’t focus on our behaviors, He focuses on shaping our hearts.
In the midst of motherhood, appealing to our child’s hearts causes them to want to do the right thing and shapes their hearts for the future. Just as we place ourselves in God’s hands; He molds, grips, and shapes our hearts through every day trials. In the process, He appeals to our love for Him, and we want to do the absolute best we can (plus we aren’t big fans of learning a lesson over and over). Besides, who wants kids that only obey in my presence? I’d much rather be able to trust they can make good choices when I’m not around.
While I’ve been in the trenches of motherhood for several years, I thought I knew what a good mother looked like. Instead, I came to the realization I was mothering out of fear. Fear of what others would think about my kids’ behaviors. Growing up, my mother did the best she could raising six kids on her own; she parented out of fear, concerned for our futures. But she never appealed to our hearts. I’m not blaming my mom for the choices I made, nor is it an excuse, but I think that if I can mother the way God intended, my children will want to make the right choices.
The next time your child is challenging your authority, ask God to give you the wisdom to handle the escapade through His perspective. Ask Him to help you appeal to his/her heart. Give in to the moment and think of creative ways to handle the situation and consequences. There in the moment, God will provide the insight you need and fill your heart with joy as you seize the opportunity to shape their hearts, not just the behavior.
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- What New Thing Are You Ready to See God Do in Your Life in 2017? - December 26, 2016
- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
