Kids are not born knowing how to behave in public. In fact, “public” manners vary greatly depending on the culture you’re in and the setting within the culture. When I posted a recent observation on Facebook about a mom wrangling two boys at a coffee shop, it stirred up a flurry of comments. Strong feelings came out from non-kid-toting adults who feel impacted by children in public places like restaurants, church, and stores. Equally strong feelings came out from moms with fresh memories of the challenges of getting out with children. I sensed both groups asking, “Don’t they get it?”
So in case you’re hoping to get out with your kiddos this weekend, but you cross your fingers and toes and hope it doesn’t turn into a viral video, let me encourage you and give you something to work with. After all, even the mother of Jesus let him wander off in a public setting, sending her on a frantic search for the Son of God. Don’t you feel better already?!?!?
The truth is, sweet mama, it’s the job of the parent to train their child to function in the world. Every child is unique and exceptional, but as God gives them to us, we are charged with their teaching. God commissions parents to “Train up a child in the way he should go,” (Proverbs 22:6) and the word for way is “derek,” which actually means journey, habits, and manner of life. Children need parents who will intentionally direct/coach/train them in how to behave TO and AROUND other people.
This may mean we have to evaluate ourselves first about how sensitive and others-savvy we are. We may have to put our phones away while in a restaurant and focus on the job of training Tommy. If people look our way with irritated or worried faces, it’s time to read the atmosphere and make a change. In some cases, that means bail out and head home!
“Public behavior” is an extension of “home behavior.” The real question isn’t, “Should the coffee shop mom let her child dump Legos out on the floor?” but “How could coffee shop mom use the setting to train Lego-boy?” Lego-boy needs his mama to help him think about the couple beside them having a deep conversation, the business men at the next booth closing a deal, and the older ladies carrying their coffee cups. The bigger questions have answers that Lego-boy needs to learn for life.
To successfully navigate public places with your children, ask yourself these questions:
Questions for a mom taking kids to public places
- Do I have the energy to do this right now?
- What frame of mind are my children in?
- What public setting will be best for us now? (coffee shop, church, play land, park, mall, library, etc)
- Did I prepare before we go? (snacks? books? toys? blanket? anything I use for discipline?)
- Do I know how to read an environment and other adults, so I can manage my kids well?
- Have I developed my own social sensitivities so I can model polite public behavior?
- Have I coached the kids before we leave/go in about the context & the ground rules?
- Am I prepared to follow through on consequences? Don’t threaten what you won’t carry out.
- How can I instruct & teach my children about the adults & atmosphere? It’s a teachable moment.
- Where should we sit & how long can we stay so we are set up for success?
Untrained children wear us out and embarrass us in public. It’s a lot of work to take a Cheerio hurling toddler and shape them into a little person who thanks a waitress. Take it from a mom who once let her daughter “paint with butter on paper place mats” out of desperation!
Children need the instruction of a parent to learn how to think about others in their wider world. By giving children tools of understanding and guidelines of behavior for a variety of public places, we equip them to be socially thoughtful adults who function successfully in a world that needs to see followers of God living considerate lives.
Kids need to know how to navigate the world, so ask yourself these ten questions, sit the kids down for a coaching session, and get out there and practice this weekend. You need to get out and so do they!
And if you’re still nervous about getting out in public … remember that the mother of Jesus struggled too, and her Son was PERFECT!
Click to tweet this post to other desperate moms who want to go out this weekend!
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