By Guest: Carey Scott
As moms, the words we speak to our children have great power.
With just a few words, we can build them up by speaking affirmation and encouragement into their hearts, or we can knock them to their knees with hurtful, condescending, guilt-producing language. The message comes across loud and clear.
Honestly, I’ve been both cheerleader and momma-zilla to my kids. You, too?
Without a doubt, our voice is the most important in the lives of our kids. Even more than their friends, their teachers, the media, and the world… we have tremendous influence over their lives.
We have the unique privilege and responsibility to breathe life into them, because our children look to us for affirmation, direction, honesty and insight. Even if it seems their not listening… they’re listening. On the other hand, we also have the ability to instill life-long insecurities in our kids.
Oh, we have to be intentional with our words and the messages they send.
Here’s where it gets especially tricky. Without even realizing it, we can begin speaking the world’s language. And when we do, we end up affirming our kids too much for their worldly achievements.
With all the best intentions of building our children up, we sometimes fall into the trap of only praising and rewarding them because of the 4 A’s:
- Appearance
- Athletics
- Academics
- Arts
Our best intentions can sometimes send the wrong message, setting them up for a performance-based relationship with the world.
Instead, what if we only sprinkled praises of the 4 A’s and focused more on praising them for their strong character, good behavior, and unique qualities? It might look like this:
“You made such a good decision with how you spent your allowance.”
“Great soccer game! And I saw how you really encouraged your teammates at half time. What a great leader you’re becoming!”
“I’ve seen such growth in how you handle frustrating situations with your brother.”
“I am so impressed with how courageous you are when it comes to standing up for others.”
“I’m so proud of your grades. You are developing such a strong sense of perseverance!”
What if we started to look more at the hearts of our kids rather than only recognizing the same things the world does?
Please hear my heart on this. I’m not saying you shouldn’t complement your children for their stellar report card… for their keen fashion sense… for scoring the winning touchdown… or for their creativity on an art project.
As parents, we better recognize those things!
What I am suggesting instead is that we need to balance our affirmation so it doesn’t only include their talents… but also acknowledges the deeper things our kids possess. Things like their hearts, character, tenderness, selflessness, patience, kindness, and self-control.
Moms, we can’t afford for our kids to find their identity and purpose only in the things of this world. Because unlike beauty, athleticism, talents, and smarts… their character never fades.
Looking for an esteem-building project for your kids?
Make a list of the things in each of your kids that speaks loudly of their character. Couple each trait with a scripture. (Google: Scripture about kindness, love, leadership, etc. ). Find a creative way to share it with them.
Recognizing your children for their unshakable character, strong moral compass and Godly value system helps reinforces who they are and whose they are.
“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21)
Choose wisely.
SHARE ABOUT YOUR OWN STRUGGLES WITH WORDS? DO YOU LOOK FOR ESTEEM-BUILDING PROJECTS FOR YOUR KIDS?
This is a sample devotional from Carey’s book, Raising Godly Kids, (link: http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Godly-Kids-Lets-ebook/dp/B007P6CSV6 ) available at the Kindle store for only $.99 (limited time). You can also purchase the paperback version on her website (link: http://careyscotttalks.com/?page_id=5778 ). For more information about Carey, visit www.CareyScottTalks.com.
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