Over the years I have received letters, and have heard young women express, that they have a hard time finding older women who will take the time to spend time/mentor them. I understand where these women are coming from. For years I was in that very situation. I longed for someone to take on that role and found that many older women were too busy or didn’t understand their role biblically.
As I look back, I can see how God provided mentors for me in different ways. It wasn’t always in the way I would have liked, but I can see how He did meet my need in unique ways. I would have loved to have gotten together on a regular basis with an older woman, but that has only happened once in my life–when I was in
college. After that, there was not really available in that way.
If you find yourself in a similar place, here are some things that you can do:
1. Pray for God to provide someone for you. It was God’s idea for older women to teach the younger women.
2. Ask for Him to help you see or hear the lessons He has for you as you are around older women. A friend of mine used to say, “You can learn something from everyone you are with. You can learn what you WANT to be like, or what you DON’T WANT to be like!” I have found that to be true.
For example: One woman wrote me and shared about an older woman who was willing to mentor her, but she was hesitant to meet with her because she had observed that she seemed to gossip a lot.
What has she learned from her?
She has learned that others are always watching you!
She has learned that she doesn’t want to be characterized as being a gossip!
She has learned that the older woman WAS willing to mentor. She was the only one who stepped up. Even if she may not be the one, she was willing!
But what is the truth?
We are all capable of being involved in gossip. The scripture tells us it is impossible to tame the tongue! (James 3) It is in your own heart to gossip. It is in all of our hearts. But you don’t want to be characterized as being one. Pray for the woman who is seen as a gossip, that she would see her sin. Pray that you would not fall into the same sin.
The fact that the older woman was willing says a lot about her heart. I would be careful not to label her only as a gossip…but as a woman who was also willing to take the time to mentor!
Look for lessons in those you are around. You might hear a woman talk to her husband a certain way. A lesson. You might observe a mom with her child. A lesson. Just observe. But try not to be too hard on people. We are all sinners in process of growing. We are all in need of Grace. If you see a sinful trait, pray for them and then look for evidence of God’s grace in their lives as well. Ask God if you might be the one to point out the area of sin in the other person’s life. Maybe they are blind to it. God may use you in their lives!
If you spend time with other couples, going to their homes for dinner or inviting them over, observe them. Learn. Ask good questions. Just this morning we went out with a couple from church and one of the questions they asked us was, “What is the greatest challenge that you are facing in your lives right now” It started a great discussion. Learn from other’s answers.
3. Read books written by older, godly women. God has used several older women/authors to mentor me! I have collected every book written by Elisabeth Elliot. I read everything I could get my hands on by her! I consider her to be one of my mentors, even though we have never met. Then, I bought as many books as I could by Amy Carmichael, because she was someone that Elisabeth Elliot read and considered to be a mentor.
I would lean towards reading books that are written by women who are older. Who have lived life. I know that younger women are learning and have much to share, but often what we share when we are younger can be information that is still “theory” in our lives. A woman who has lived life can share information that she has lived out for years, and the years often tend to sift out the information that isn’t really that vital.
I think mentoring can take on different “looks”. Observing. Reading. Spending time asking questions.
4. Invite some older couples over to your house for dinner or coffee. Show them that you value them. Honestly, as I have gotten older, it is hard to know sometimes if younger people even want me around. Sometimes I will hold back because of that. In my experience there are times when young people can send the message that they don’t need help, don’t want help, feel they have all the answers, or that I am clueless. It might help if you let them know, by reaching out, that you want to get to know and hear from older people.
If you have them in your home, you might be able to start up good conversations and ask specific questions. Ask them about their kids, or what they are reading for their quiet time…anything to get them to share and know that you are interested. You could even come right out and say, “I am young and have some questions, would you mind if I asked you something?” They may be shocked to know you even want their input!
Even now, I love seeking out people who are older than me and asking questions. It is so helpful. My pastors wife is one that I love to observe. She has too much on her plate for me to meet with her one on one, but she is always available. If I have a question, I e-mail her. If she can’t get together with me for coffee, she will either call me or e-mail me back. And she ALWAYS follows up with me and prays with me when I see her.
I have learned even more from her by observing her. First, she serves her husband and daughter. That is her priority. Then, she is very involved in serving her 3 grown children and their spouses and her grandchildren. On top of that she is a pastors wife. So she is busy serving and loving the people of the church.
I love to watch her move from one person to another as she checks in with them and prays with them. But I also have learned a lot when she has said, “I will have to get back with you in a few days. I am serving my family who has the flu….” She has shown me BY EXAMPLE what MY priority should be! I never feel put off. I only feel challenged to follow her example.
I understand the desire to have someone invest in you as a younger woman. It is a good desire. Keep praying for that. Then look for different ways God is meeting that need. You might be surprised what you find.
HAVE YOU BEEN SURPRISED BY THE MENTORS GOD HAS PLACED IN YOUR LIFE? ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A MENTOR NOW?
- Ch…ch…ch…CHANGES Are Coming in 2017 for TMI - December 27, 2016
- What New Thing Are You Ready to See God Do in Your Life in 2017? - December 26, 2016
- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
