Infertility.
About one in six women are dealing with infertility. It is isolating, confusing, painful, and can rock the faith of its sufferer.
And those on the outside looking in, well they want to help, but don’t know how. Awkward silences and taboo topics strain relationships.
How do you mentor or be a friend to someone dealing with infertility?
- Be there for them.
One of the best things a friend said to me was, “I don’t understand what you are going through, but I am here for you.” And she was. She went to doctors appointments with me, prayed with me, and let me have bad days.
- Be honest, but don’t avoid them. It is ok to say “I don’t know what to say.” However it is not ok to avoid all mention of their struggle or to avoid their friendship.
- Be aware of what you are saying. It is ok to say, “Can I tell you about my kids?” Just don’t get hurt if she needs to say no at that point. Infertile women want to have relationships with people who have kids or are pregnant. They understand you want to tell them about your kids, but some days it may be too difficult for them. Give your friend the opportunity to hear about your kids or not.
- Listen. Before I struggled with infertility I had all kinds of opinions about how I would handle infertility if I had to deal with it. If I had the chance I would have spewed that wonderful advice to any one else too. Unless you are asked directly please keep your opinions to yourself.
- Pray for and with her. This is a dark difficult time for the woman dealing with infertility. So pray for her and if she is open to pray with her. Pray for God to give her wisdom, to open her womb, for peace in the struggle, and for God’s glory in the midst of the darkness.
- Please do not say: “You just need to relax.” “Maybe if you adopt you will get pregnant. That happened to my cousin…” “Don’t worry so much.” “Maybe God is punishing you for past sin.” “Be happy with the kids you do have.” All these things are meant to encourage or help, but just don’t.
Mentoring or being a friend to someone dealing with infertility is not rocket science, but it does take grace on both sides. Also consider looking at Janet Thompson‘s book Dear God, Why Can’t I Have A Baby. This is a great resource for both those suffering with infertility and mentors/friends wanting to understand how to help them.
As a mentor what questions do you have about supporting women facing infertility?
As a woman dealing with infertility what do you want others to know?
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