Have you ever seen that bewildered look on a new mom’s face? You know, the one where it looks as if she doesn’t know whether she is coming or going. As a postpartum doula, I have seen that look often. On the other hand, I have also seen the look of gratefulness as I come alongside a mama and provide practical help so that she may find her way through all of the new experiences motherhood brings. I love seeing that bewildered look turn into a look of confidence in her abilities to shepherd a new life. Here are some of the tips I use as a postpartum doula to serve my clients in one of the most difficult times in mothering.
Listen
One of the first things I do when I arrive to a clients house is to ask her about her birth story. This inquiry opens the door to a meaningful conversation where a woman can talk candidly about the life-changing experience she just had. Some women talk about this experience in glowing terms, but most women talk about the difficult and even traumatic points in their birth experience. It is a great opportunity to comfort a woman who doesn’t know how to feel after giving birth, by letting her know that she is not alone. This conversation also provides a chance to pray with the mama through any anxiety or emotional stress she may experience. During my last birth experience, I found that the more I told my birth story, the more normal it became. Each person I was able to talk to gave me a little more encouragement and validation of what had just happened to me.
Provide a meal
This is one of the most practical things you can do for a new family. Oftentimes, moms are in charge of providing meals for their families. It can be difficult to do that when you are physically and emotionally recovering from birth. Add to that a lack of sleep, and it can be overwhelming for that woman to try to make meals to feed herself and/or her household. Providing meals for a family can alleviate that stress. There are several ways you can do that. You can start a meal train for the family, in which other people sign up to bring meals for a certain length of time. You can set up a free meal train calendar at www.mealtrain.com and have friends and family sign up for different days. You may also buy or make a meal yourself to feed the new family. If you don’t have time to do either of these things because you are a mom yourself, try making a larger batch of whatever meal you are preparing for your own family and take that. You may even give a gift card to restaurant for pick-up or delivery.
Babysit
One of the best gifts that I was given postpartum was from my mom, who helped watch my other children while I got some rest. This can be a lifesaver for a new mom, or a mom with more children. Watching the baby while the mother rests or takes a shower or bath can help immensely. All of us mothers know what it is like trying to get a shower with a brand new baby. Another way to serve a growing family is to watch the newborn while Mom and Dad spend time with other children. Sometimes the older sibling(s) feel left out with a new baby, so providing this opportunity for one-on-one time can be invaluable. There is the chance, however, where the mother does not feel comfortable with the newborn out of her sight, so it may be better to provide childcare for the older siblings. You could take them out for some fun time, while mama and baby get some much needed rest.
Do Laundry
I feel as we have multiplied, so has our laundry. Consider doing a new mom’s laundry as a way to serve her and her family. This is another great time to get a chance to listen, talk, and pray with a postpartum woman as you are providing some practical help for her. If you are going to serve her by doing her laundry, however, this is one area where it is important that you ask lots of questions. How does she usually sort her laundry? At what temperature does she want her family’s clothes laundered? Does she have a preference for detergent? Are there any special instructions for particular garments (cloth diapers, wool sweaters, dry cleaning)? Perhaps you don’t have the time to sit and chat for a few hours while you do laundry. If you know the family well enough, and she trusts you, you may consider doing a pick-up laundry service, where you wash, dry and fold her clothes at your house and return them to her.
Light House-keeping
Another way to serve a new mom is to do some light housekeeping for her. As a postpartum doula, I am most often asked to clean the bathroom and the kitchen. These are the rooms people usually hate to see dirty, but require either too much time or physical exertion to clean. However, chances are that the mom will not come out and ask you to clean these areas, so if you are comfortable, go ahead and offer to clean. Don’t shy away from these chores because you don’t think you will do a good job. I am sure that whatever you do, the family will be grateful. It is always a good practice to use gloves when cleaning in someone else’s house, so be sure to bring some with you. And if you don’t have time to clean the whole kitchen, I find it best to offer to empty and reload the dishwasher or hand wash the dishes.
Go Out with/for Her
Lastly, a very easy task to do to serve a postpartum woman is to call her up before you come and ask if she would like you to bring her something. Some good suggestions are food (a snack or meal) and toiletries (diapers or toilet paper). This will save her much needed time and effort and doesn’t take much from you. Another related service that I provide is to go on an outing with her. With first time moms, it can be especially hard to navigate an errand while physically recovering, learning the ins and outs of a carseat and/or stroller, and an upset baby in the car or store. Having an extra set of hands can mean the difference between a grocery trip that is successful and one in which she leaves her much-needed groceries in the store and cries all the way home with a baby screaming in the background.
Many of this helpful options are services you can provide to a new family through this transitional time of parenthood. The first few months of a mother’s postpartum time can be challenging, but you can help to make it better. As a postpartum doula and a mother of four, I know how invaluable it is to have someone to come alongside of you and provide encouragement, comfort, and stability in those first few days, weeks and months that you bring a new baby home. As we look for ways to serve others, let us be mindful of the what a transformational gift love and compassion can be, and let us give those gifts freely.
Are there other ways to help out new moms that you could share with us?
Tamika Guillebeaux
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