From Cheri:
I recently had the privilege of interviewing Michele Cushatt, author of Undone: a Story of Making Peace with an Unexpected Life.
Today, I’m thrilled to share a bit our our discussion with you, and have Michele tell you about Undone Life Together: a 5-Week Conversation About the Unexpected Life that starts February 22.
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Cheri: In Undone, you share about your “comfort addiction.” I’d never heard anyone talk about comfort as addiction.
Michele: I believe this now more than ever before. This is more a product of American culture than anywhere else.
From the moment we are born, we have been promised comfort; from the moment we come into this life, we have been promised a good life. We think it’s within our reach.
If it’s not within our reach right away, we know if we do A, B and C — if we work hard in school and get good grades and get a scholarship and go to college — that life will go according to plan. We can have the house, and the spouse, and the kids, and the car, and the vacations, and the retirement. This is the picture that is painted and set up from us for the beginning. We have this expectation of comfort from day one.
However, that is not a biblical concept, at all. Jesus said very clearly, “…in this world you will have trouble.” (John 16:33)
Period. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
We tend to think that the absence of comfort means something’s wrong. It’s a problem to be fixed. Because of this, we have not been trained to deal with pain and suffering.
We are so enamored by comfort that we fail to see the value in pain. We are so in love with being comfortable, that when pain happens we frantically, desperately do everything we can to numb it, to medicate it, to minimize it, or eliminate it.
As a result, not only are we traumatized by pain, but we fail to seize the opportunity that pain affords us to grab hold of a wisdom, an experience, a maturity that can only be gained through pain.
Cheri: My children are 23 and 25 now, and as I look back at how I parented them, I realize that I was a “snowplow parent” who cleared their paths of pain as much as possible. I was so concerned about their comfort, not for their sake, but because their comfort produced my comfort.
Michele: So true.
When I watched one of my kids go through major disappointment, my inclination as a mom was to bring him comfort. To make him feel better.
However, his character development necessitated pain. I had to decide Am I going to make him feel better in the moment, or am I going to allow him to experience the pain? because I know that the results of pain will be far better than the results of comfort.
That’s hard.
We want to eliminate the pain. We want to take him out to dinner and make him feel better. We want to tell him, “Oh, it’s their loss, and blah, blah.”
Sometimes we just need to shut up and let pain be what it is. Sometimes, the best thing that could happen to us is in the pain.
From Michele:
I’ve come to believe we can endure just about anything as long as we know we’re not alone.
Problem is, too often we feel alone. Utterly and completely.
In spite of the emails and messages and well-wishes, our crises isolate us, creating a divide too wide to bridge. It makes us feel “other,” separating us from those who seem to carry on unhindered in their ordinary, pain-free lives.
But here’s the thing: I think pain-free is a fantasy. I don’t know anyone who’s living the life they always imagined. I know more than a few people who are pretending to. But behind their well-crafted charade sits a schism of struggle they’re too afraid to expose. Thus we trudge on—both the pretenders and the strugglers—each of us swallowed up in our aloneness and fear.
But what if …
What if someone went first?
What if someone dared to create a safe place for the complicated questions and conversations?
And then, what if you and I could find a way to laugh and cry and be undone together?
I think there is.
That’s why Monday, February 22, I’m launching Undone Life Together: A 5-week Conversation About the Unexpected Life. Picture it like a giant family room with a bunch of fluffy pillows and chairs. There’s a seat for you there; me, too. And we’ll circle up and unpack the tough questions we bump against every single day. Only, this time we won’t do it alone. We’ll do it together.
When you join Undone Life Together, you’ll receive:
- A 5-week Daily Reading Plan through the chapters of Undone: A Story of Making Peace With An Unexpected Life. If you’ve already read it, no problem. You can revisit the chapter themes and engage in the conversation. Don’t want to read it? That’s okay, too.
- Daily emails designed to create conversation around your biggest questions.
- Dedicated Facebook group conversation around the days themes.
- Weekly videos where I dive a bit deeper into the most complicated topics.
We won’t come up with all the answers nor will we resolve all of life’s unknowns. But we’ll open the doors for an honest conversation. I believe, in the process, we will discover a God who is faithful, a peace that is unshakeable and a community of fellow strugglers who will walk with us in this Undone Life Together.
Like cold water in the driest of deserts, my friend.
It begins February 22 and ends March 25. Even better, it’s absolutely FREE. That means you can participate as much or as little as you like. You can even lurk in the background for the entire five weeks if that’s the most you can do. Believe me, I get it.
But you have to sign-up to join.
I can’t wait to get started. And, honestly, my heart is aching for you to join us. I may not know all the details of your story, but I know what it feels like to be alone, drowning in questions without answers. And I know the One who holds the key to staying afloat.
I’m so glad we’re in this together.
- Ch…ch…ch…CHANGES Are Coming in 2017 for TMI - December 27, 2016
- What New Thing Are You Ready to See God Do in Your Life in 2017? - December 26, 2016
- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
