Recently I read my friend’s, Melanie Shankle’s, memoir on friendship. It’s called Nobody’s Cuter than You. It is a must read for any and every mama who wants to be a better friend.
One concept she shared that has stayed with me is this. What Melanie says, “…the women we can surround ourselves with, knowing without a doubt that our names and our hearts are safe on their tongues and in their hands,” is important.
Think about that. Is your name and heart safe on their tongue? Turn it around: Is THEIR name and heart safe on yours? Oh, Mamas. She’s talking about friendship.
Although people say we are not to be our children’s friend, but their parent, I think we need to reframe it. That has a place, for sure. But why can we not also treat them with the respect we give our good friends? Let’s not go wholly the other way, so that parenting well does not include treating them well.
Are your children’s names and hearts safe on your tongue and in your hands?
Even without a single thought to what we say, sometimes, they are not. We complain about our kids to others. We share private details that are not ours to share. We throw them under the bus in so many ways. And it hurts them–tears at them, like a hungry lion.
This should not be, my sisters!
Jesus loves the least of these. He has a special place in His heart for them.
And we are so quick to show our annoyance, to ridicule, to speculate over them–often in front of others. My words for you today are simply this: Stop it.
Take consideration for their hearts, their names. They are the apple of God’s eye. Treat them as such.
And when you speak to them in correction, perhaps a better way would be to slow down, step back, take consideration of what you say before it spews out of your mouth, and then speak it in love. In fact, perhaps reframe it like this, “You bear the image of Christ and are so precious to His heart…please walk in a way that pleases Him.” Then delineate the problem with them and patiently lay out the corrective and appropriate discipline they will receive.
For instance, our younger son struggles to remember his homework. So, while we try to head this one off at the curve, by having a planner for him to keep his to-do list, sometimes, he forgets to do that. And at least twice this school year, he has forgotten, and we had to stay up later than usual to get it completed. While we could state one of those heart-wrenching words of non-blessing that always begin with “Why do you always…?” or “Why do you never…?”, we stopped in our tracks and said this, “I understand that sometimes you forget, so you need to keep writing these things in your planner and on your planner. This is what you need to be diligent about. If you forget again, here are the consequences…”, and we laid them out specifically. This is training for him. And he will use these tools forever.
But in the meanwhile, we kept his name and heart safe on our tongue and in our hands.
On the other hand, it is easy to be the mama chatting it up with her friends and laying out the latest saga on her child-who-always or child-who-never. Everyone is laughing at the story, but inside and perhaps even on their drive home, the listeners are thinking, “Wow, I’m glad I don’t have such awful children.” Those children’s names and hearts were not safe on one of the most precious tongues to them. Over time, their hearts begin to shrivel…and those children may just begin living down to the words spoken over them.
I believe that our children will most certainly live up to the words of blessing spoken over them. We all do, really.
So, Mamas, let’s make it our aim to make our children’s names and hearts safe with us. Let’s speak words of blessing over them. And when we speak about them, tell how you caught them doing something kind for others or helpful. Tell how they take time to notice the kids, who are alone, in the cafeteria. Then give them a hug, and for heaven’s sake, tell them how very proud you are of who they are becoming, how you are always in their corner and how precious they are to you. Treat them with kindness as friends, yes. And parent them with James 1:5 wisdom.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” (James 1:5 ESV)
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