As we find ourselves full-steam into this holiday month, I am especially sensitive about the opportunity to intentionally mentor my children through the holidays.
I want to help them embrace the fullness of remembering the Christ child’s birth, without heaping on extra responsibilities rooted in traditions that become a drain on their schedules and deplete their rest and joy.
The challenge, however, is that my children are in distinctly different developmental stages.
Oh the Teens
My oldest, fifteen, is studying for finals while primarily being concerned with seeing her friends as much as possible before the long, family-focused break. She’s not so interested in making cookies or heading out to the Dicken’s Festival, but would rather get her projects done so she can see friends when she is finished.
Do you have a teen? What is their focus this month?
Are they feeling overwhelmed? Stressed by school work?
What emotional needs require a bit more of your attention? What traditions might suit her best?
Those Transitioning Tweens
My middle daughter, who just turned 13, is still getting a grip on Middle School academics while navigating the oh-so-unpredictable hormonal changes. She’s also a “doer” by nature, whose not yet learned how to pace her schedule and commitments, making the holidays a ripe time for burnout. If she has the chance to bake, shop, wrap gifts, and decorate all in a day, she’d be thrilled, but she’d also melt down at the hint of needing to clean up her room.
What’s the state of your tween’s life?
Is your daughter crying at the drop of a hat? Does your son feel stressed by increased homework load?
Are they anxious about that upcoming concert?
How can this season be rich in grace and mercy in spite of all the expectations upon them?
Waiting in the Wings
My youngest two have their holiday mindset locked in on gift getting more than gift giving. One minute, their friends have convinced them that Santa is real, and the next moment they’re sweet talking their way into another big gift from papa. Both my son and daughter understand the real meaning of Christmas is celebrated their Savior’s birth, but they are equally excited about the traditions of Christmas, like putting up the lights, watching White Christmas, chasing down Santa touring the neighborhood on the fire truck, and sleeping in their big sister’s room on Christmas Eve.
Are your littles enjoying the wonder of the season?
Are they caught up in the thrill of getting gifts? Is it time to teach them more about Jesus, beyond the cradle in the manager?
Could it be time to start serving alongside of you an outreach, giving away toys instead of focusing on getting them?
It would be so easy to simply throw up my hands and toss an apron over my head as I {emotionally} run from the responsibility of mentoring my children during the chaos of Christmas {stress}. Do you feel that way, too? Take heart, momma!
We don’t need to do it all or do it perfectly! But we also don’t want to lose this precious opportunity to mentor the hearts and habits of our children!
Simple Steps for Mentoring Your Children Through the Holidays
These practical suggestions may not all be Christ-focused, but the idea is to spend time with your children providing opportunities for conversations in which you can share and teach the things of Christ, the meaning of the season, listen to their hearts, and train up their skills in the process.
Teens (13 years and up)
- Hot Chocolate Date: Surprise your son or daughter with a sweet cup of festive hot chocolate at home or in town and listening ear. No agenda. No lesson. Just a cup full of love as you give him/her your attention in the midst of your busy schedules.
- Teach to Train: She’s nearly grown up, yet her role in your family is still important, especially if she has younger siblings. Talk to her about setting aside a time to spend with the family, serving or playing, in a way that appeals to her. Maybe it is doing her sister’s nails red on Christmas Eve. Maybe it is reading a couple of bedtime Christmas stories to her siblings. Possibly it is shopping and baking with you. Let her choose the what and when, and when she does, offer her the blessing of something special, like having her friends over for a Christmas cookie exchange or taking her out with a couple of other girls. Draw her into the family but also acknowledge she is growing up.
- Read & Talk: Spend 10 minute each evening reading the Bringing Back Holy Series found at elisapulliam.com or download 12 Eternal Gifts from moretobe.com. Use these resources as the basis for a discussion for what it means to keep Christ in Christmas in a culture immersed in materialism and self-serving. Sweeten up this time together with a cup of tea (decaf, of course) and maybe a Christmas cookie, too.
Tweens (10 – 12 years)
- The Baking Baton Pass: Give up the gourmet cookies this year and let your son or daughter pick the recipe. Teach them the how-tos while also setting her free to run the show. Graham Cracker Gingerbread House My youngest two made this in their class last year, as it is a no-bake creation perfect as a family project supervised by the older siblings. Have your tween build the house and if there are little ones around, have them help them decorate.
- Delegate the Details: Look for opportunities for your son/daughter to join you in conquering your list, giving over responsibilities that train them up, whether it be shopping or making gifts together, writing out cards, baking, wrapping gifts, hosting a party. Their teachable years are running out, so pick one thing in which you can teach the skills and the meaning behind it, letting go of your {possibly too high} expectations and nurturing her skill set.
The Littles (under 9 years)
- Story Time: Pick out 5 or more Christmas story books, such as these, from your collection or the library to read with your children each day, either after dinner or at bedtime.
- Christmas Countdown: With only a paper, scissors, pen, and stapler, you can make this paper ring tree to countdown to Christmas.
- Advent Devos: Raising Arrows has put together a list here especially for children.
As you consider these options, stick with the KISS principle: keep it simple and sweet. You don’t have to do it all. As a matter of fact, don’t try to do it all. Prayerfully pick one suggestion for your daughter (and if you have lots, combine up ideas based on age and interests), seeking to mentor her heart for the Lord and train her up in experience holiday tradition with a healthy balance. (I encourage you to use these ideas to pursue opportunities with your sons, too!).
How will you go about mentoring your children through the holidays?
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