“He gets mad at the smallest things and always causes a scene. I’m embarrassed to be seen with him.”
“Why can’t I just have a NORMAL family like everyone else?!”
“As much as I am embarrassed to be around my brother, I worry about if he is OK without me.”
“It hurts when people are rude to him… but I feel guilty and ashamed because I am the rudest to him of all.”
“Who will take care of her if something happens to my parents? Who will stick up for her when I am not around?”
“Why are all my friend’s sisters growing up fine, but mine still acts so young?”
“My mom is on edge all the time. If I need something I keep quiet because I know it will make her even more upset. If it weren’t for my brother her life would be easier and she would notice and be nice to me.”
Parenting a child with special needs is challenging, and if your like me you have “typical” children to raise too. In our family I have watched my children’s reactions and seen first hand the struggles that come by being a special sibling.
My children have wrestled with all the emotions mentioned above, plus many more. These wearisome emotions may develop into shameful secrets–“What if others really knew how I feel?”
As their mom it is our responsibility to navigate them through these tough emotions, so where do we start?
- Talk and talk some more. Ask your children about their feelings. Tell them it is OK to be honest and that this is hard. As adults we have questions about our special needs child and our children have questions as well.
- Give them permission to grieve. It is true our family has different dynamics than most. Sometimes we need to let the hurt out with a hug, then go on. Give permission for the hurt and point them to focus on the positive.
- Let your child know they are not alone. I am thrilled I found some great books my children can relate to! “Views from our Shoes”, edited by Donald Meyer, is a book of essays written by children with special needs siblings. “Living with a Brother or Sister with Special Needs“, by Donald Meyer and Patricia Vadasy, is a great book that talks about specific disabilities and the emotions that come with being a special sibling. Both of these books are wonderful!
- Remember to laugh. Sometimes the most stressful times are really the funniest times. Try and find humor throughout those stressful moments!
- Show your kids what God is doing in and through them because of their siblings disability. I see how each of my children are gifted in unique ways because of their special sibling. I point out these awesome character traits and let them know how proud I am of them. The blessings of learning to care for and love their special needs sibling can really be a blessing.
- Take your kids on dates. Spend time making each child feel like the “special” child, giving them undivided time they need. This is great for both mom and child!
- Pray for your children. Pray the Lord will use these special circumstances to further His kingdom and bless our children with compassion.Did you grow up as the sibling of a special needs brother or sister? What lessons can we learn from your family? I am eager to hear your story!
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
Praising Him through my pen,
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