Hey single mom… I wish we were hanging out over coffee and chatting because I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there, so I understand how hard it is to be a single mom.
Feeling the pressure and the pain that comes with trying to fulfill both roles of the mom and the dad is daunting. The physical, financial, and emotional strain of it all can wear a woman out.
Motherhood is a beautiful thing but being a mom can be hard… and being a single mom… well, it’s just extra hard.
I remember things like…
Making a sandwich out of bread and a pack of ketchup I found in my fridge so I had enough food for my son to eat.
Wondering what I was going to do and who to call when my car broke down.
Trying to figure out how to fix the toilet.
Wishing I didn’t have to take the trash out at night.
Feeling insecure, inadequate, unsafe, frustrated, and even afraid.
Wishing there was a man in the house to be a male role model for my son.
For some reason, I thought finding a knight in shining armor who would calm my fears, fix my toilet and take out the garbage would be the answer to all my woes.
It’s wasn’t.
And I made a lot of mistakes in my single mom journey.
Today, I want to share with you some important lessons about being a single mom and dating… and most I learned the hard way.
1. Don’t focus on finding a man. Focus on being a good mom. You don’t need a man to complete you or your children.
2. Don’t even think about it if he isn’t a Christian. Missionary dating rarely converts him but almost always converts you. That whole, “Don’t be unequally yoked” thing is for your protection.
3. Wait until you’re talking about marriage before you introduce your boyfriend to them. Your children don’t need men coming in and out of their lives, messing with their emotions and confusing them.
4. Take your relationship slow. If you’re talking marriage, your children will need time to adjust – so after you’ve introduced him, begin scheduling weekly ‘family’ dates so your children have the opportunity to get to know him well and you can see how he relates to your kids.
5. Your job is to protect your kids, so don’t leave them alone with him until you know him REALLY well and have seen him interact with them. There have been some terrible things that have happened to children because a mom left them with a man she was dating.
6. Believe your children. If they tell you something they have seen in him that raises a red flag, believe them. And if a red flag goes up, then he needs to go… quickly.
7. Recognize that if you get married that your boyfriend will become your children’s stepdad. So, it’s not only about if he is a good man or a man whom you love, but will he be a good dad who can love your kids well.
8. You can’t change him. Remember the man you dreamed of marrying when you were a little girl. No little girl grew up thinking, “I want to marry an alcoholic or a drug addict.” Or “When I grow up, I want to marry a man who won’t work.” Or “I can’t wait to marry a man who is controlling, abusive, or angry.” You’re kids deserve so much more than that and so do you!
9. Don’t settle for less than God has for you. Don’t let the desire to be married be so insatiable that you would settle for less than God has for you.
10. Keep your priorities right whether you’re dating someone or not. First…Focus on your relationship with God. He is perfectly able to put the right man in your life and your children’s lives at just the right time. Second…focus on being the mom God created you to be and developing character in your kids. Put their needs above yours. That’s what love does.
SO…there you have it. TEN things single moms should consider before they begin dating. There are so many more things I wish I could share with you. Places where I failed, lessons that I learned, things I wish I could have changed, and a couple things I actually did right.
But I want you to know that God has a plan for you and your children and He is there for you. In the middle of your single mom journey… let Him be who He said He is… a Father to the fatherless… a Husband to the husbandless.
“For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
For the Lord has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,”
Says your God.” Isaiah 54:5-6 (NKJV)
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