So, he has a girlfriend. What now? Maybe she’s a fiancé or even a wife. What do you do?
Whether you like it or not, the father of your children will move on, and so will you! How you deal with it makes a huge difference on how your children will deal with it.
Make the GF Your Best Friend
I know you want to hate her. I know you want her to wear a bigger size then you. I know this advice will sound like the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard. It’s not my advice. It’s from a professional. This is what my therapist (yes, I’m in therapy, it’s awesome) said to do when I met the woman who “interrupted” my marriage. The very wise Beverly told me to, “make her your best friend.” What? I’m supposed to hate her and make her pay! Nope, that’s not our job.
Okay, so maybe you don’t have to go shopping together, and have a girl’s night out, but coffee might be a good idea. The truth is this woman will be around your children. You could choose to hate her (people probably wouldn’t blame you). Or, you could choose to communicate with her about your children, give her what she needs to make them happy. If you treat the GF well, then she will treat your children well, and that my friend is the best-case scenario for life after divorce. It’s also the best example of a Christian woman. Less judgment, more love. If you want her to take the kids to church on their weekend, then you better make her feel welcome by church people!
What does God say?
You might think it’s an old dusty book with 2,000 year old stories that don’t apply to our lives today. I disagree. The Bible is a living bible, with stories that relate to today, to 5 minutes ago.
Case in point. My ex-husband came to visit the sunshines (our 3 kids), and brought his girlfriend. We were all sitting on the sidelines of my son’s soccer game pretending that it was normal. It didn’t feel normal. I was so uncomfortable. It felt like everyone was staring and judging, and it was everything in me not to say out-loud what really had happened, and was going through my mind. I kept thinking, not fair! This isn’t right! I was having a 2-year-old-style tantrum inside my head.
Then, I was reading in my bible about a woman… who was judged by so many people for her sin, and she just sat down at Jesus’ feet and washed him with her tears.
Jesus said, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume. I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.” The men at the table said among themselves, “Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?” And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” (Luke 7:44-50 NLT)
I needed to do some more reading. Here’s the deal. God loves her, just as much as He loves you. He gives her as much grace and forgiveness as He is willing to give you. If you can accept it, you can give it away.
After all, your sunshines deserve to be comfortable at their soccer games, birthday parties, and graduations when all of their parents are present. You don’t want them to be uncomfortable. This is about them, You, and all of us learning the ultimate lesson of forgiveness and grace. You can do this.
Prayer: Ask God for Help with This
“Father, I am so grateful that you have extended me your grace; unmerited favor! Help me to extend it to others too. Help me to see them as you see them. Your child, that you love and want a relationship with, period. You say we should pray for our enemies, so Father, I pray for this woman that is in my children’s lives. I pray that she loves them like a mother, that she is a positive influence in their lives, and that if she doesn’t have one yet; she finds a relationship with you. Help me to be a good example of a loving Christian to her.” -In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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