“I SAID NO WORDS!” like daggers my words flew upstairs to my three delightful children.
And I hate my words as soon as they leave my mouth. I hate them. I long to have all the answers to discipline issues and heart issues. I long to encourage them solely through positive words or modeling – which means I also have to model handling MY anger better. Ahem.
So what do we do when we let our anger get the best of us?
Apologize. Look into your child’s eyes. Use his or her name. Perhaps say something like:
“Susie, please forgive me for speaking harshly. I felt angry when you goofed off instead of doing your homework, but that was no excuse to speak like that. Will you forgive me?”
This statement allows your child to understand how your emotions affected your actions. How your chosen actions were wrong and how to ask for forgiveness graciously. It also helps children understand that their behavior – disobedience or bad attitude – affects those around them.
It is also helpful to look back over our mistakes and ask some questions.
- Why did I yell or speak harshly?
- What is causing me stress today?
- Am I taking my stress, anxiety, or depression out on my kids?
- What tools do I need to use to make sure I don’t blow-up next time a discipline issue arises?
- How is my thinking affecting my attitude and thus my decisions?
- Do I have unrealistic expectations?
- Am I praising positive behavior as well as giving direction to negative behavior?
Knowing the answers to these questions will help us respond to disobedience in an appropriate way.
Finally remember to slow down and think before you speak. Often just a split second keeps us from exploding and helps make our discipline more effective.
What keeps you from exploding in anger?
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