“They are so well behaved,” the perky saleswoman nodded at my three children.
They are? I just told them to settle down three times. One nearly knocked over a shoe display and…
“Thank you,” I smiled and attempted to cool my boiling blood.
Where is the balance between first time obedience and grace? How do I decide what to discipline and what to talk about?
As moms we are to, “Train a child up a child in the way he should go…” Proverbs 22:6 How do we train children without breaking their souls? How do we speak with kindness, but firmness?
And I have to remember I am training them for the marathon of life and perhaps we need to start with only a few walking laps around the block instead of aiming for a ten minute mile.
So how do we handle those moments when our children are not acting as we would like?
- Set expectations. I think my kids should know how to behave, but it ever fails when I don’t set expectations something goes awry.
- Give clear directions. When I just say, “Stop.” My kids do not know what they are to do. Instead I need to say, “Stop spinning in circles. I need you to walk beside me or hold the cart etc.”
- Teach your children word phrases that will help them communicate clearly without whining, screaming etc. Often when a child yells or whines they have a reason, but whining and yelling is not ok so I often have them rehearse with me. I may tell my child who just screamed at her sibling to say in a calm voice, “Please give me my toy.” If my child has an issue with an instruction I give I allow them in a calm voice to say, “Mom, I know you want me to ___________. I have a problem with that because ____________. May I please _____________ first and then _____________?”
- Train your children to think about their tone of voice. To work on tone of voice, I ask my kids to think about how they like being talked to. And I too must work on how my words sound as I speak to my kids.
- Woo your children. You kids will want to please and obey you when you have their hearts. Spend time doing things they enjoy, talk to them, share stories with them, laugh, play, hug them, look into their eyes, and tell them how special they are to you.
- Pray. Then pray for wisdom about how to discipline, which battles to fight, and how best to train your children.
What do you to train your child without breaking him?
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