Facing the Mother “Hood” Alone

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Pregnant belly isolated against white backgroundHello little mamas! We have a special guest today. Catrina Gray signed up to have a mentor from The Mom Initiative and the funny part is we were just beginning to become friends while I was already on the M.O.M. Team.

Catrina is a single mom with a heart for God and an eye for beautiful shots of life. Because she is in college and has dyslexia, she shared her story and I wrote her article; as a single mom, she has faced many trials including whether or not her daughter would be “normal.”   164903_452153374874941_622067611_n[1]

Motherhood is a challenge for any woman. We become elated when we learn we are carrying life within us and we dream of what mothering our child will be like. The problem with dreaming is we never dream of the unexpected. I never dreamed of being a single mom nor did I ever dream of staring down the giants of Hydrocephalous.

  Life changed when I was 32, pregnant and in a rough marriage. We were on the verge of a divorce and had been separated off and on for 6 years.  I was nervous and excited all at the same time to tell my husband the news. Thinking that this might turn our marriage around, instead of rejoicing with me, he venomously encouraged me to have an abortion and said it wasn’t his.

  The entire pregnancy was a roller coaster ride, not just because of my husband but also because I began facing every pregnant woman’s worst fear—my child not being normal. At 16 weeks, I learned my baby had a form of Hydrocephalus. It is a condition in which the primary characteristic is excessive accumulation of fluid in the brain.

What is Hydrocephalus

normal-hydrocephalus-comparison[1]Although hydrocephalus was once known as “water on the brain,” the “water” is actually cerebrospinal fluid (CSF)–a clear fluid that surrounds the brain and spinal cord. This meant not only could her brain not develop normally but the condition could also cause spinal bifida and a whole host of other problems during fetal development.hydrocephalus-pictures[1]

 

Facing my fears

The whole time I was pregnant, I kept imagining and preparing for the worst case scenario. Not just with my baby’s medical condition but coming to term with becoming a single mom. I knew I had to end my marriage with my husband when he had left me alone in the hospital 3 hours away from my home/family to be with his mistress of 6 years.

The day he had left was the day the doctor said it was time. He did make it back to see his baby born. I can say it was an expensive trip for him.

  I had counted down the days to her birth, wondering what we would find. The day came when I would finally get to see my daughter, she was born three weeks early and when I saw her for the first time—I cried. She didn’t have the characteristics of Hydrocephalus, like a big head. She was born three weeks early and when I saw her for the first time—I cried. She didn’t have the characteristics of Hydrocephalus, like a  big head. She looked perfect but the doctors took her for an MRI and it confirmed what no one understood or expected—she had Mild Hydrocephalus. This is very rear to see. The doctor still cannot explain how she is normal. They call her a little miracle.

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  We welcomed Aria-Lara Gray into the world on July 3, 2013 at 5 pounds 6 ounce. We took her home weighting 4 pound 11 ounce. After 2 months of being home is when I became a single mom. He had left me for the last time and Aria-Lara for the first time. I knew I could not allow this to go on for my daughter wellbeing. 

Challenges I Face as a Single Mom

I’m often asked what challenges I face as a single mom and I don’t know how to respond because I don’t know what it’s NOT like to be a single mom. The pressure of being both parents, on top of trying to provide a warm home, good meals, and a safe environment is never ending.   But then there is the constant worry of what Aria-Lara’s future will be like.

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   Only my medical journey with Aria-Lara hasn’t stopped there. When she was two, she kept complaining of headaches so another MRI was performed and no one—not even doctors were prepared for what they found.  Aria-Lara had cysts on her brain and on top of that her corpus callosum did not develop right. Individuals with disorders of the corpus callosum do require medical intervention due to seizures and/or other medical problems they have in addition to the disorder new studies show that this disorder could lead to a diagnosis of schizophrenia in her future.

541139_430362967053982_1883506129_n[1]  The day Aria-Lara had her first seizures was one of the worst experience of my life and the other that were around us. I pray we never have to go through another day like that again.

Our Future

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As I watch her sleep, I know her medical journey has made me strong as a mom and I know I can prepare Aria-Lara for anything. I will have to prepare her in a way that won’t scare her but help her be aware of the other potential problems she may face in the future. I want her to be aware of the potential issues but not obsess over the idea, especially since I will also have to tell her about her father’s condition of schizophrenia and why he is never around.

   And if I were to talk to another single mom about facing any medical condition or fear like I have, I would have to tell her prayer goes a long way. I pray over her little body every night, I’ve surrendered her health issues to God and I’ve prayed over her heart about missing her daddy—who loves her but chooses not be a part of her life for his own reason.  I pray for wisdom and insight to help grow my little girl into her future whether I am a single mom or not, whether she develops other issues or not. We will live our own normal life.   

 

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Stephanie Shott
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