With Thanksgiving right around the corner, many of us are thinking about gratitude. The truth is, though, sometimes, thankfulness can be hard to find…especially during a difficult season of life.
Four years ago, my husband and I experienced our fourth miscarriage 6 days before Thanksgiving. I didn’t even want to go to any family dinners that year, let alone think about things I was grateful for. All I wanted to do that year was wallow in my own sorrow. And, if I’m being completely honest, my feelings didn’t change for quite some time.
I didn’t feel very thankful, so I didn’t want to act thankful.
That all changed, though, when I read Ann Voskamp’s book, 1000 Gifts. The premise behind Ann’s book is that sometimes, the feelings of gratitude only come AFTER the expression of thanks.
We start to feel thankful only when we have spoken thanks.
Our feelings follow our thoughts.
I don’t know why I hadn’t figured this out before then because I knew the power of positive thinking. I knew just how powerful our thoughts could be.
When I was in college, I battled low self-esteem quite a bit. I allowed the lies Satan was whispering in my ear to convince me I wasn’t worth much.
But then one day when I was venting to my older brother, he challenged me to write down three things about myself that I liked each day. This wasn’t an exercise in pride but rather a way for me to recognize the ways God had blessed me. It was a way for me to see the good things about myself instead of constantly focusing on the negative.
In essence, it was a re-training of my thoughts and a practice of gratitude.
It took awhile, but it worked.
Instead of constantly thinking about all the ways I didn’t measure up, I started seeing some of the positive things about myself that God had created.
Gratitude changed me then, so I don’t know why I didn’t continue the practice, especially when I was so discouraged after our miscarriages.
Nonetheless, when I finally started practicing gratitude again, I noticed a slow change in my heart.
Instead of being upset all the time about our losses, I became more cheerful. I definitely still grieved, but it didn’t consume me as it had before.
Gratitude, in a way, healed me when other things couldn’t.
It reminded me of the blessings in my life . . . when before, I focused on the blessings in other peoples’ lives.
It helped me find the good, beautiful things in my life . . . when before, I only saw the pain.
It allowed me to fall in love with my Savior again . . . when before, I fixated on the things He had allowed to be taken from me.
I don’t know what battle you are facing today, but I do know this.
If we look hard enough, there is always – always – something we can be thankful for.
I know it’s hard to be thankful when your heart is broken. I know it’s hard to give thanks to Someone who maybe didn’t answer your prayers like you wanted Him to.
But I also know this: gratitude isn’t just for the giver of the gifts. It’s also for the one on the receiving end.
Gratitude changes us.
So I’d love to hear in the comments. What are some things you are thankful for today?
*I hesitated to write this post because I remember how hard it was when I was deep in grief for people to tell me, “You just need to be thankful for what you have.” Though I did certainly realize I had much to be thankful for, these comments only made my pain stronger. So please know two things. 1. If you’re reading this today and not feeling very thankful, give yourself some grace. Yes, try to look for the bright things in your life because I do believe very strongly it will help, but be patient with yourself. Let yourself grieve whatever it is you are grieving. You don’t have to put on a chipper face all the time. You need to let yourself grieve. 2. If you’re reading this and thinking about someone you know who might benefit from practicing gratitude, be very careful about challenging them to do so. If you feel you must, take the 1000 gifts challenge with them. You, right along with them, write down 1000 things in a year that you’re thankful for.
*If you’d like to read more about how I’ve worked through my miscarriages (with my faith intact) or if you find yourself asking God questions like, “Where are you in this?” I’d love for you to check out my Bible study and devotional, Unbeaten.
It can be read alone or with a group and goes into a lot more detail about how you too can be unbeaten, even when it feels impossible at the moment.
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Lindsey Bell is the author of Unbeaten and of Searching for Sanity. She’s also a stay-at-home mother of two, minister’s wife, avid reader, and chocolate lover. You can find Lindsey online at her website: www.lindseymbell.com.
- How to Help Your Kids Think More about GIVING at Christmas Than GETTING - December 12, 2016
- Why Gratitude is Essential in Your Life - November 14, 2016
- Dark Chocolate Zucchini Brownie Recipe – Let’s Say Grace! - October 1, 2016
