“Sammy was tough from day one. Instead of bonding with me like my others, he seems to reject me. Constantly. I want to be close to him, but he just won’t let me. He allows his dad to hold him and rock him, but if I try my attempts are literally shoved away. I’m tired of trying.”
“I try to love Janice. I really do. But people don’t see or experience what she is really like behind closed doors. It’s as if she lives to undo me emotionally. I may sound crazy, but I think she stays up at night planning on how she can make those around her (especially me) miserable. No amount of discipline has worked. None of the popular parenting books seem to fit my situation. I’m at my end emotionally.”
“Before the adoption things were going so well. We prayed for this child for years. Now that the adoption is finalized, it seems he is trying to rip our family apart. I’m afraid it is working.”
No parent has dreams of parenting a difficult child. We all plunge in expecting the best with our heads held high in prideful excitement. All the problems our parents had or all those around us—no worries! We have what it takes and more to be the best of the best!
Then reality hits behind closed doors and knocks us down. Reluctantly we are forced to learn the lesson that despite our very best efforts…no matter how many books we read…how hard we try…we are the parent of a difficult child.
As followers of Christ living in a world broken by sin, where do we find hope in our parenting trial?
First, may we grip onto faith knowing our journey will be successful when we choose to work together with God. He has created this child to be ours, and as difficult as it may seem, this circumstance is part of the Creators plan for our life today.
The Psalms remind us, “All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be” (Psalm 139:16 NIV).
Second, God promises to provide us with the wisdom needed to face each day. “If any of you lacks wisdom let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).
Third, God promises to provide us with all we need in our parenting journey as we spend time reading and applying His Word. “May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:2-3).
Fourth, remember our God promises us the ability to get through yet another tough day as we strive to glorify God with our parenting. “It is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).
Lastly, let’s be thankful for the professionals God graciously provides to help us on our journey. Don’t let pride get in the way and stop you from getting help. I am so thankful for doctors who understand how the brain works and what to do if chemicals are unbalanced. My Developmental-Behavioral Pediatric Specialist is a gift from God Himself! She understands my child like no other, and I’m so grateful to have her walk beside me…especially now that puberty is rushing towards us.
Also, here are some biblically based resources to help. “The Heart of Anger, Practical Help for the Prevention and Cure of anger in Children” by Lou Priolo is a book we all need to read! When parenting a difficult child we are faced with our own anger issues we never knew we had. This book will help identify the anger in your own life as well as preventing anger in your children.
“Gospel-Powered Parenting” by William P. Farley is one I am currently reading through and is a great reminder that all we need for life and godliness is found in Scripture alone.
Most importantly, don’t give up! The Bible tells us over and over to endure as God molds us and shapes us while His purpose in our lives unfold. Let Galatians 6:9 energize your weary soul, “Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” And again in 1 Corinthians 15:58, “Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
In Christ Alone,
How have you handled a difficult child? Do you have any tips to share with us?
*All scripture is from the ESV unless otherwise stated.
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