For years I’ve wanted a Dust Buster for Christmas, but I have yet to score. Sometimes we repeatedly ask for something, but we fail to make it happen. A lot of women want a mentor and have put it on their “wish list” in conversations, but they remain mentor-less. Having a mentor sounds great, but how do we actually get one? As we approach a new year, you can have the courage put “Mentor” on your wish list and do something about it!
Having a mentor makes a difference. Sometimes mentoring grows organically, like the “volunteer” lavender thriving by our sidewalk. Other times, a process is in place to match those desiring a mentor with those willing to be one. I was blessed to be mentored by women who intentionally chose to pour into my life without a formal agreement. They imprinted their hearts and habits onto mine before I knew I had been forever changed. But how do you find a mentor if a match hasn’t happened organically, formally, or intentionally?
Finding a mentor isn’t as hard as it sounds. I’ve learned simple steps from my mentees. Here’s what they’ve taught me. Say PLEASE.
How to find a mentor
P – PRAY
Resist the urge to run up to a nice looking woman at Target who has showered and dressed in clean clothes. Finding a mentor isn’t rocket science, but it’s also not something to pursue carelessly. Unlike buying a box of Girl Scout cookies, acting on impulse can have serious consequences. Once God moves in your heart to desire for a mentor, start praying. Ask God to give you understanding about yourself, your needs, your schedule, your motivations, and your options.
L – LOOK
Armed with insight from patient prayer, look around you. God has already been growing mature, godly women around you. Watch for women with qualities God loves and wants to duplicate in your life. Listen for people full of grace, humility and honesty about life’s challenges. See who applies God’s truth in everyday things in her relationships, work, and worship. She won’t be perfect, so don’t waste your time looking for that. If you find someone who thinks she’s perfect, RUN! As you look and listen, you will learn, but you’ll be alert to the mentor God has for you. Did I say keep praying? The combination of observation and prayer will come together to show you what’s next.
E – EXTEND
Extend an invitation to your potential mentor to meet you at a coffee shop or other quiet place. Once you meet, ask her what she was doing in your stage of life. Listen. Learn. Did I say keep praying? As she shares, quietly pray, asking God to keep warming your heart towards your maybe-mentor, or wave a red flag in your face if she’s not the right one. Share your desire for a mentor with her, describing your journey of prayer and observation. As you extend an invitation into your life, you are ready to ask.
A – ASK
Ask if she would prayerfully consider mentoring you. She will want to know what that looks like in your mind. Describe your goals, your schedule, your timeline, and your ideas about what mentoring might be like. Ask if she would be open to a season of mentoring. Her acceptance or rejection isn’t about you. If she says no, God has someone better in mind. Plan to reconnect to receive an answer, or move forward to plan your first “official” mentoring time! Keep praying.
S – SETTLE
Settle on a workable mentoring plan for both of you, knowing you will adjust as you go. Where and when will you meet? How often? What will you do? Be flexible. Remember she has responsibilities too, and care with her time allows her to do things like invest in your life. Make your plan clear and simple.
E – EXPECT
Having a mentor makes a difference. Expect God to work in your life and hers. God’s design for growth includes mixing of generations. He plans for us to walk alongside each other, imprinting our reflection of HIM on others. For women, His impression takes shape in our lives as worshipers, servants, sisters, mothers, wives, and leaders. Expect God to change both of your lives through mentoring.
I just might go get myself a Dust Buster this year! And I hope you will prayerfully consider getting yourself a mentor. Having a mentor makes a difference. PLEASE. Pray, look, extend, ask, settle, and expect.
May God use us to imprint Himself on one another.
If you want to connect moms to mentors, The MOM Initiative can help. Sometimes a process provides a way to make matches, and we know having a mentor makes a difference for moms!
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