As a teen, no one let me in on the power of my heart.
I wish they had.
Can you remember how you didn’t even know a guy existed, then your friend told you he was crushing on you? Next thing you knew, you were crushing back. Mental drool took over and he was all you could think about.
From there, it was just a matter of following your heart. Your mind hadn’t already decided what you were going to do when you found yourself overcome by such powerful emotions. We just listened to what we were told: “Follow your heart.” Maybe you even thought follow your heart was in the Bible; I did for awhile! But it’s not; it’s from Disney – Cinderella II to be exact!
I teach my own kids, as well as the teens that I speak to: Don’t follow your heart.
If you follow your heart, it just might lead you to getting your heart crushed. Jeremiah 17:9 tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Deceitful? Yeah…it will lie to us!
Instead of following our heart, we need to follow Jesus through His word. Then we make our heart come along. If we follow our heart, all too often our heart will take us to places that seem wonderful, but are far from wise, because our heart and our brain are connected to each other. It is a proven, scientific fact.
In our brain, we have a system called the deep limbic systems that stores and classifies odor, music, symbols and memory. When we experience a variety of romantic experiences – music, his cologne, flowers – chemicals wash over our brain. Holding hands, listening to music, embracing, kissing and all that goes with it, works together to create a powerful memory in the emotional side of our brain. One of these chemicals is called dopamine.
Dopamine makes us feel good, combing peace and pleasure. Anytime we experience something that is both peaceful and full of pleasure, dopamine washes over our brain. This makes our brain want that thing more; whatever that thing is. A craving develops; even an addiction. At this point, our brain doesn’t tell us if this is something wise or unwise, it just tells us: this feels good.
Dopamine then tells us: do it again. If the action is good for us and wise, this is wonderful. If it is not, it is a slippery slope in the wrong direction.
We need to teach our kids: make up your mind when you are in your right mind. The time to make up your mind is not when you’re hormones are pounding or you’re surrounded by kids smoking. The time to make up your mind is when you are in your right mind.
Time a few minutes today and choose one scenario, based on your child’s age, where your child needs to make up their mind. Help them to determine now what is the wise thing to do, so that when they find themselves in the tempting situation, they’ve already made up their mind.
Please share with us your thoughts about talking to teens.
- What Do You Expect? - December 17, 2015
- The Best Time to Make Up Your Mind - November 12, 2015
- Mom – Never Give Up! - October 15, 2015
