Motherhood can consume us, can’t it? God gave us this job, and He calls us to do it well. Nurturing His children may require the majority of our time and energy, and that’s okay. That’s normal.
But it’s not everything. As important as motherhood is, in God’s plan it’s still just a role we play—not the role.
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light” (1 Peter 2:9).
According to scripture, our primary purpose in life is not parenting. Or marriage. Or landing a great position. What you do is not who you are. If you have faith in Christ, then your identity is first and foremost not as a mom but a child—God’s child, His special possession. You’ve been chosen. Why?
“That you may declare the praises of him who called you . . . .”
You and I exist to bring glory to God. We can do that through parenting, definitely. We glorify God every time we change a diaper or pack a school lunch. Motherhood is a high and holy calling. But it might not be our only calling.
God gave each of us particular gifts and talents, and He wants us to use them. For some women that means pursuing activities, ministry, or work we can accomplish from home or within the family routine. For others, it might mean stepping outside the family to serve God.
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms” (1 Peter 4:10).
Pause button: Serving your family does qualify as serving others. For those of you who desire to be home, to serve God by devoting your attention almost exclusively to your husband and children, I agree it is enough to be a wife and mom.
But for those of you, like me, who believe your desires to pursue interests beyond motherhood are inspired by God and for God, I encourage you to prayerfully consider each opportunity.
Here are five practical steps to follow when deciding whether or not to pursue an activity outside of the family—including work, ministry, hobbies or goals.
1. Pray. Make no decisions without consulting God and His word. If an opportunity directly contradicts God’s commands in scripture, turn away and don’t look back.
2. If you’re married, get your husband’s buy-in. Moving ahead without his support can create major problems down the road. If you’re a single mom, talk with a trusted friend who can help hold you accountable or provide childcare. The two of you need to agree that this pursuit will enhance and not harm your family. Consider the wise words of (1 Timothy 3:5), “If anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can he take care of God’s church?”
3. Set boundaries. During a particularly busy season, I found myself focused more on my laptop than on my kids. So I made a decision not to turn on a computer unless my children were asleep or at school. That way, I could clearly prevent my writing pursuits from crossing over into family time. It was tough, but definitely worthwhile. I learned to live in the moment as well as become more discerning about the projects I took on.
4. Re-evaluate regularly. How are your activities affecting the family? How are they affecting you? Weigh the pros and cons, and invite your husband’s input. Remember the purpose of any outside pursuit is to bring glory to God. If your activities are causing consistent discord in the family, consider they may be defeating the purpose.
5. Resist the temptation to compare yourself to other women. Some of us need only a quick bubble bath to feel refreshed and fulfilled; others need a hobby, a goal, or a regular commitment beyond the family. Be careful not to judge your sisters in Christ or assume you’re faulty for needing more or less time away. Focus on your personal relationship with God and His calling in your life, rather than analyzing the lives of other women.
Bottom line, when God calls us to a job, ministry, or activity, whether it directly involves the family or not, we can be confident He will equip us to see it through. The key is to stay connected to Him and keep your priorities in order—God, husband, children—and everything else will follow.
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This post is an edited excerpt from The SuperMom Myth: Conquering the Dirty Villains of Motherhood (Shiloh Run Press), which releases December 1. For more information, including bonus rewards for pre-ordering the book, visit www.TheSuperMomMyth.com.
Blessings,
Becky
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