When I became an expectant mother for the first time, I had waited seven years–not sure I could even conceive a child. So, I was REALLY expecting and anticipating. We had prayed for children, and here we were on the cusp of parenthood. I felt afraid of messing them up terribly.
You see, we either go the route of our parents or we veer another direction, based on our experience. And I was wanting to really veer. So, I began to find mentors in the way of Christian women, mostly authors, speakers or local women at our church. They gave me a better picture in my head of how a godly family could look.
But seeing and reading about a godly family is not enough. I needed to really pray and ask God how He would have us parent our four children. They are all so very different. So we forged ahead, taking the best parts of what we saw and read with an added flavor of US.
And boy do we have some very “us-like” children.
Just like any brand name or logo, our children bear a very Smith-ish flair.
We do not raise them to be like other people’s children nor do we lay out the expectation that they should be like someone else. We are raising them to be very much THEM–the ones that God created them to be from the beginning.
For we prayed for them! And we haven’t stopped. We just continue in that vein and trust that our faithful God will shape them into the people He means for them to be.
So we model life a lot. Most of it is good and beneficial. We model sacrifice and giving. We model walking by faith and trusting God. We model forgiveness and kindness and a desperate need for Jesus. Sometimes, what we model is lazy and needs a do-over–so we model for them the nature of grace and new mercies for each day. And sometimes we completely fail; but in this, too, we model falling into the arms of Jesus, getting back up, dusting off and running ahead again.
What we model is what they catch.
We could teach them all day until we are blue in the face; but unless we are living it out on the pavement, they will not see authenticity. Our kids need to see us doing what we are saying.
And I will tell you what…sometimes, we need to come to a place where we need to ask God’s forgiveness for not doing what we say or acting on the belief that we profess. ASK HIM FOR HELP. Then, tell your kids that you are seeking to be better at living out certain principles in your life. They so respect that. They appreciate that you are becoming, too–that you haven’t arrived at a place of perfect. You know this side of Heaven that that goal is not realistic.
But we grow! We grow into the models our children need. For if we do not become them, they will seek out other models for their lives. These models are not all pointing our children to Christ, either. Perhaps for some of you, they have already begun following such models.
Well sister, get on your knees and pray! Ask God in the vein of James 1:5 for wisdom. Then confess to God and your family that you have struggled in certain areas of parenting, and ask for their forgiveness. It is called a turn-around moment. From that point on, you better believe your children will remember your confession and be watching for the changes God is making in your parenting.
For we can place such expectations on our kids to be something more or different, often as we ourselves seem dissatisfied with our own selves.
It’s almost like we are showing them that if they don’t live up to our expectations–college to go to, sports to participate in, grades to make, even the way they eat–that they are out of the family “US” club. We may even favor the one child, who lives up to such expectations and play the comparison game.
My friends, this should not be! God created each of your children to carry His light to this dark world. He gets to say who they become. And He invites us into the process of shaping them. It is a beautiful transformation that He has in mind–for us, as parents and for them, as children.
That is not to say that we do not encourage them in the process to try, to not give up, to get lazy and quit. No, sometimes, we can plainly see that they need spurring on. So do we sometimes, right? So then, spur! Speak over their lives that you believe God has great things in store for them, and that they are becoming such beautiful lights in this world.
The other day I dropped our nearly 16-year-old off at the mall to meet a friend.
It scared me a bit, for I wanted to stand guard and protect her. At the time for me to pick her up, I saw her stop to speak to a crying woman sitting at the curb. So, when she got in the car, I asked about it. She told me that this young woman asked to borrow her phone. She said, “Mom, at first I was unsure. I thought she might steal it. But I let her borrow it. And it seems that she needed a ride and had been forgotten.” Right then, as I drove, I began to pray aloud for this young woman, asking God to let her know how valuable she is to Him, and how he never forgets her–that she is ever before Him.
What our daughter modeled here is what she has seen us do–caring for and trusting in people. She caught what we modeled. And in the process, she was a beautiful light, in her own right. She is becoming more and more like Jesus…just like I prayed over 18 years ago.
Really, they ALL are.
What things do you model for your children?
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