Today we are blessed to have former MOM, Cheri Gregory join us with a great giveaway and with some powerful advice to help us navigate the perfection trap we sometimes find ourselves in! JUST COMMENT TO WIN ALL 3 GIFTS BELOW! CONTEST ENDS WEDNESDAY AT 11:59 PM AND WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED IN FRIDAY’S POST!
So… without further adieu… here’s some help from Cheri!
The moment I’ve been striving months for has arrived.
Mr. Vickers, my eighth grade Geometry teacher, is announcing the high scores for first quarter. And I know exactly what he’s about to say. I’ve all but killed myself to guarantee his next words
“Cheri Elder has the highest first quarter grade in Geometry.”
I’ve always loved math, and I adore geometry. Every day, I’m giddy that I get to walk from the junior high building to the high school building to take an “advanced” class.
I’ve developed my own system for taking tests: Work all of the problems once, and turn those pages over. Work all of the problems a second time, and turn all of those pages over. Work all of the problems a third time, and now turn all pages face-up. Compare all my answers. Any answer that doesn’t match all three times, I rework two more times until I discover and fix my error.
My goal is to receive 100% on all tests all year long, and I have achieved this goal for 1st quarter.
Like a parched marathoner, I drink in my teacher’s approval. But my moment of glory is cut short by his next words:
“But today, I’d like to introduce a brand new student who will beat her next quarter.”
I can’t breathe.
I am crushed.
Devastated.
Dazed.
The room swims around me as I try desperately to control my tears. Mr. Vickers has known me for three months and yet he states with conviction that this new student, whom he has just met, will beat me.
The achievement for which I feel so proud? My 100% on all tests? Meaningless. Worthless. I am worthless. Otherwise, how could Mr. Vickers know that I will be so easily beaten?
I try to rise to the challenge. But I make the same stupid negative error all three times I take the first test of second quarter. When I see Mr. Vickers mark that never-before-seen “-1” at the top of my test, I flee behind the gym and cry for hours.
Try-Harder Living
Oh, how I’d love to reach back in time and hug my thirteen-year-old self.
Tell her, “Sweetheart, you do not have to try so hard!”
But back then, I knew no other way to live.
My life was completely controlled by four powerful bullies:
- Perfectionism
- People-Pleasing
- Performancism
- Procrastination
Their influence grew steadily over the next three decades. As did the trail of carnage they left in their wake
- the eating disorder for which I was hospitalized in my late teens.
- the near destruction of my marriage due to my demands on and contempt for my husband.
- my ineffectiveness as a parent, flip-flopping between authoritarian control and permissive absence.
- the failure of my female friendships because of my immaturity and neediness.
- two incomplete MA degrees, in spite of being “so close” to finishing both.
- shame over my failures to respond to God’s sacrificial love with better behavior.
- an all-permiating sense of guilt for letting God down in every way possible.
Finding Freedom
Three years ago, I took a solo performance class
It was an 8-week class with two instructors and seven other students. Each week, we shared our working scripts, and then the 8th week was our performance.
As I shared with my classmates some of the poems and blog posts I’d written about my struggles with Perfectionism one man said,
“It sounds like Perfectionism is this street thug that’s been beating the … crud … out of you for your entire life!”
Another said, “It sounds like Perfectionism is the devil himself trying to steal your soul!”
Until I heard their feedback, I didn’t realize how bad Perfectionism really was. It seemed so “normal,” like a quirky family friend that had been hanging around forever. I hadn’t recognized how abusive Perfectionism had been to my mother, to me, and to my daughter.
In my monologue, I personified Perfectionism — I spoke directly TO “him” and called him out for the crimes he’d committed, starting with how he’d brainwashed us to believe that “Nothing’s worse than making mistakes.”
On the day of the actual performance, I was terrified. The last time I’d done drama was as a teenager — back when I had functional memory cells. I was so afriad of … making mistakes.
But something happened as I stood on that stage. My fear of making mistakes was replaced by anger — anger at Perfectionism for all he’d done to my mother and me.
And I realized nothing is worse — NOTHING is far worse! — than making mistakes. And because of Perfectionism, I had decades of NO-thing to look back on.
Decades of
… playing it safe.
…being “above reproach.”
…avoiding criticism by avoiding risks.
…doing ONLY things I was already good at.
Decades of nothing — NO-thing: NO learning, NO growing.
I made a brave decision that day:
No more nothing.
Join the Braver Living Rebellion!
God has used my few shakey moments on stage to stage a rebellion.
A rebellion that says, “No!” to being bullied by fear and “Yes!” to living free in His perfect love.
Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 1 John 4:18 NLT
A rebellion that gave birth to a book, The Cure for the “Perfect” Life: 12 Ways to Stop Trying Harder and Start Living Braver, co-authored with Kathi Lipp.
Are you crumbling under 
the burden of perfection?
You know the expectations are unreasonable–even unreachable.
And when everyone else seems more together than you, where do you turn for help?
Meet Kathi, a disguised perfectionist always looking to put everyone else’s needs above her own, and Cheri, a formerly confused and exhausted poster girl for playing it safe. They’ve struggled just like you–and found the cure. With unabashed empathy and humor, they invite you to take part in their rebellion against perfection. Step-by-step they’ll teach you how to challenge and change unhealthy beliefs. As they free you from always seeking more or needing the approval of others, you’ll discover a new, braver way of living. At last, you’ll exchange outdated views of who you should be for a clearer vision of who you are in Christ.
The truth is you don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to be brave enough to read this book.
A Few Resources for You
Watch “The PERFECT(ionism) Crime“
Download “The 4 P-Bullies at a Glance“
Subscribe to our 5-Day Braver Living Devos (with daily free downloadable scripture artwork)
Take the “What’s Your Rebel Type?” Personality Assessment
Watch the book trailer
Download the FREE small group discussion/personal study guide
Give-Away
The Cure for the “Perfect” Life
Braver Living Bible Verse cards – 34 laminated cards, with key scriptures from the book, tucked into an organza bag for easy access
Brave necklace & keyring – comes with chain and clip
Now…READY. SET. COMMENT for a chance to win! The clock is ticking and you have until Wednesday night at 11:59 pm to enter!!
- Ch…ch…ch…CHANGES Are Coming in 2017 for TMI - December 27, 2016
- What New Thing Are You Ready to See God Do in Your Life in 2017? - December 26, 2016
- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
