As a newlywed, there were many obstacles that should have in all propriety and dignity (said tongue-in-cheek) kept us from hosting people in our home. We lived in a small apartment. We had little in provisions, financially. We didn’t have fancy napkins or table settings. Maybe it is a personality thing, but I plunged in and invited people anyway.
We made lasting memories, not because we had a perfect place or perfect food, but because we had welcoming hearts to friends, new and old.
Then something happened about five years into marriage. Someone told me that I needed to have certain things a certain way, before I could host people. And it stuck with me. I began to question the rightness of hosting people in our home. Was it good enough? To this day, I remember the way this judgment felt in my heart, “I’m doing it all wrong.” I thought.
And again, maybe it is personality or stubbornness, but I hosted people in our home anyway. This stubborn vein has been our modus operandi for all our days of marriage, now 24 years later. We host people, because we care about people.
So, before you begin to nix the idea of hosting people in your place and space, I ask you to reconsider–for the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.
Argument: You don’t have the room.
Answer: Take it outside!
In East Texas, many years ago, we lived in a 750 sq. ft. log cabin. And we had 23 people coming over for a catfish dinner. We borrowed some tables and chairs for the eating portion of the time, which we hosted inside (yes 23 people, inside a 750 sq. ft. cabin), moving all our other furniture out of the way, except the table and chairs. We had everyone bring lawn chairs. We spent most of the time cooking outside in a fryer and even had some friends bring homemade ice cream makers, which were also outside. We shared stories and laughed. It was a blast! The only thing that happened is my Amazon parrot nearly gave us all heart attacks, squawking his jungle cry during dinner. He got covered quickly, and sorrowfully said, “Hello,” over and over for the rest of the dinner. But hey, we made a memory, right?
Argument: You don’t have the money.
Answer: We didn’t either, but what we could provide, we did.
It’s completely okay and right to ask people to bring a dish to add to the meal. In fact, I think people are pleased to do so! They didn’t host–sometimes to their delight. And like you, they want to get together and get to know you! Let the main course be the conversation with a side of laughter. Often, what I would do is pull out cookbooks with low budget ingredients. I have kept and shared those recipes over the years. Some of them are here on A Martha Heart.
Truly, there is no better time than today to find such recipes–with pinterest, facebook and search engines. You can even enter the ingredients you DO have and find recipes that match. You can do this!
Argument: My place isn’t very pretty, or it is very cluttered.
Answer: This is a good way to find your true friends.
True friends will come to your home no matter how it is decorated or even decluttered for that matter. What this person was “selling” to me five years into marriage was this: to be good enough, you need to have certain things in a certain way. She didn’t invite people over because she felt like she did not have things up to par–but someday she would and someday she would host people. And I almost bought into it. I almost began to start a collection of things to make hosting more up to par. It is a keeping up with the Joneses nightmare. We just won’t ever be cute enough or elegant enough.
The truth is that no one really cared if my cutlery matched, or if I had store bought napkins and the latest dishware and decor. And those who did? Well, I really didn’t (and still don’t) have the energy and budget to keep up with them.
But I will invite those who will come. It doesn’t matter who they are or where they come from, my home is always welcoming and good enough for them, because our hearts are full of love to share what we do have. It is our own widow’s mite offer of friendship.
Side note: You will notice that I did not mention cleanliness here. I won’t give you an out, sisters. If you host people, take time to host them in a clean home. It is a labor of love for sure, but it is a matter of welcoming them into the best you can give. And a little elbow grease is good for the soul. Turn up your favorite tunes and make it shine–praying all the while for a home filled with peace and love for the company coming. Besides, who wants to eat in a filthy environment? Take time to care for your home, as best as you can–it is a matter of stewarding what God has provided for you and your family.
Argument: My kids (and theirs) may not behave very well. They will wreak havoc in our home.
Answer: What an opportunity to teach them HOW to behave.
A few years ago our good friends were hosting us. One of my kids was throwing away a barely touched plate of food. And I so appreciated how my friend gently pulled our son aside and said, Wait a minute. Did you put this food on your plate? Our son answered, Yes sir. Then again gently our friend said, Then son, you need to eat what you have taken. Maybe next time you should take less? My son answered, Yes sir. Then my friend replied, Thank you. It is good to care about such things.
This was a minor situation, but it taught our son to take less food and to not be wasteful.
Another time, we hosted some kids, who began to be pretty rambunctious in our basement. We stopped them and asked them not to play like that inside, then we handed them all water guns and sent them outside. From that point on, the kids understood that it was okay to be playful and noisy, but outside is a better place to do that. Sometimes, when our yard seemed too small, we’d walk the kids up to a nearby park and let them have fun there.
It is always alright for an adult to set the rules, tone of play and even manners in their own home. It is worth teaching our kids to respect adults. And to work through these harder, maybe even awkward, situations means that our friendships grow closer and our kids learn manners in the process.
Hospitality always brings with it a blessing.
You take time to tell people that they matter to you by opening up your hearts and home. Anytime you sit together at a table, you learn and grow together in your friendship. God always uses such times to shape us for good, as well.
Sometimes it may be hard. Perhaps you picked a night to host and then that day you really didn’t feel up to company. It happens to me, too. I have to put aside my feelings then and press through. Every single time I have been glad that I did!
What struggles do you have in hosting and hospitality? What ideas have helped you to be more hospitable?
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