One issue that affects many marriages is a lack of strong communication.
We might communicate well when the waters are smooth, but then, if the waters get a little rocky, our communication skills often fly out the window.
I taught a workshop a couple of months ago called Fighting for Your Marriage. In that workshop, one thing we talked about was how to fight fair.
Here are some basic rules.
How to Fight Fair in a Marriage:
1. Stick to the topic at hand.
Don’t bring up a ton of other issues that need to be addressed. Whatever was the issue at the beginning of the discussion should still be the issue at the end of the discussion.
2. Seek to understand your spouse.
Try to see things from his perspective. Seek to understand more than you seek to be understood.
3. Listen more than you talk.
James 1:19 offers some great wisdom here: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
4. Fight by mutual consent.
That means you can only fight when BOTH people are willing. If you or your spouse needs time to cool off, it’s wise to allow that time.
5. Respect your spouse with your words and tone.
That means, no cussing, no put downs, no attacking the person’s character, etc.
6. Avoid exaggerations.
“You always…” and “You never…” don’t have a place in the fight.
7. Don’t make threats.
If you told your spouse you’d be with him “for better or for worse” and you plan to stick by that promise, then don’t throw out divorce like it’s an option. If it’s not an option, don’t even talk about it.
8. Remember, your spouse is NOT your enemy.
It’s so easy to assume (especially in the middle of a fight) that our spouses are our enemies. They AREN’T! Our only enemy is Satan, and he is the one we are BOTH fighting against. Your spouse is on your team (even if it might not seem that way at the moment).
Let’s talk: Which of these rules is the hardest for you to follow? Which is the easiest?
Click on the image below to print off the rules, discuss with your spouse, and then sign the contract together!
Lindsey Bell is the author of Unbeaten and of Searching for Sanity. She’s also a stay-at-home mother of two, minister’s wife, avid reader, and chocolate lover. You can find Lindsey online at her website: www.lindseymbell.com.
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