“It started by watching a newscast on 50 Shades of Grey…then I bought the book…now my mind is a mess and my marriage is a wreck,” whispered a sweet young mom in tears as her eyes pleaded with me for help.
We hear about porn prevailing over men and ruining their lives and marriages. But what about women who are sinking in the sticky mud of porn? Where do women start…the ones in tears who regularly approach me after I speak…looking for help?
Porn is no-longer a “man problem.” Women are now swept away in this sinful tide and drown daily in their dark secret.
Declining desire of marriage partner, barrier with intimate relationships, uncontrollable binges, detachment from true intimacy, regret, depression, shame, false pleasure, I’m now the thing I hate, hyper-focused on fantasy, progressively more disturbing images needed for pleasure, everything but loving, damage to self psychologically, self-esteem and relationships ruined, feel completely out of control, dark time, chained to my addiction, feel dirty inside and out, shocked at the path I’m now on, wounded, double-life, wasting away on the inside, intense shame
But. There. Is. Hope. “Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more.” -Romans 5:20 “For while we were still helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly.” -Romans 5:6
Releasing people from the chains of sin is God’s speciality! Christ died not for the righteous gal who has it all together...but for the ungodly! Listen…Christ died for the ungodly.
Since Christ died for the ungodly, and desires we live a life to glorify Him, where do we start to break free?
First, I urge you to look straight in the eyes of this sin and decide to deal with it. This is your issue. Not your husbands. Not an issue to be blamed on anything present or past. Take ownership, get angry at it…stick your heels in the ground and decide to confront and get rid of it all today. Pray that God will give you eyes to see this sin as He sees it, and pray for the grace to press on.
Second, realize the depth of the wound porn inflicts on you as well as your spouse. In Proverbs, we are warned about the effects of sexual sin. Go through chapters 1-8 and highlight what is sure to flow into your life if you choose to grip on to this sin: her house sinks down to death, bitter as worm wood at the end, sharp as a two edged sword, groan at final end, flesh and body consumed, destroys himself, wounds and disgrace, will cost him his life, like an ox to slaughter….are just a few. Pray and meditate on these verses. How have these verses come to life in your own life? Confess to the Lord what you learn.
Third, repent and return to the Lord. “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, so that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” Acts 3:19.
*”Repentance has been well described as a heart broken for sin, and from sin; and it may equally well be spoken of as turning and returning. It is a change of mind of the most thorough and radical sort, and it is attended with sorrow for the past, and a resolve of amendment in the future.
“Repentance is to leave
The sins we loved before;
And show that we in earnest grieve,
By doing so no more.”*
Jesus does not downplay sexual sin. Matthew 5:27-30. He knows the devastating consequences brought to those who practice it, and wants us to live in victory found in Christ alone. ( Read 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8.)
“A living, breathing relationship with the Savior of the world will drive porn out of your life quicker than anything else. When you turn your eyes to Jesus, there isn’t room for anything else in your heart because he fills it up. When you open the blinds of a pitch-black room, the sunlight drives away the darkness.” (Finally Free,144–145)
Fourth, find a good biblical counselor and a friend who will encourage you. Here is a link to find biblical counseling in your area. Unfortunately, as far as friends go, it will be EASY to find those who will encourage you to stay where you are…misery loves company :). Pray for and find someone who will be a true friend.
Finally, here are some wonderful resources to help you along the way:
- Powerful biblically based sermons on this subject are a perfect place to start, just click here to listen.
- Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace by Dr. Heath Lambert is a wonderful, must have book for your journey. It was written by a leader in the biblical counseling movement for those struggling under the enslaving power of pornography.
- Sex and the Supremacy of Christ by John Piper and Justin Taylor. This is a book we all need on our shelf. Our teens need. This book is filled with biblical authority and refreshing truth to stand on in our sexually confusing culture.
Please contact me and let me know how to pray for you. The Mom Initiative is here to help you on this journey.
*All of Grace by C.H. Spurgeon
Praising Him through my pen,
- Ch…ch…ch…CHANGES Are Coming in 2017 for TMI - December 27, 2016
- What New Thing Are You Ready to See God Do in Your Life in 2017? - December 26, 2016
- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
