A friend once asked me long ago to share my family formula for a healthy family.
It really made me think, because I KNOW what it FEELS like, but have never really put it to paper. So here’s a snapshot into my family about 8 years ago, which is very close to what we still do today!
First of all, I am constantly analyzing the attitudes of my family….wondering, where did that come from? What may be contributing? So I find that the best way to get all in line is a little “pull in” time. That is when we have a TV/ computer free week, and we spend time doing what families should be doing…playing games together, cooking meals together, reading aloud in the evening and going outside to play. The first day of this really is hard! Everyone has withdrawals and kind of grumps around. But in the long run, it works for us.
One thing my husband, Chris, does with the kids is drives them all over the back roads around here (I’m a big chicken on most of these Colorado roads!) and often they come back with a few trash bags full of trash. That teaches them to care for the environment and not disregard others by throwing trash out the window. There are teachable moments in almost everything we do…really! So I try to take time and think of ways to teach. If there’s an accident on the road, I turn off the radio and begin to pray….same for any emergency vehicle that passes. We pray! If someone happens to ask a hard question, especially spiritual ones, we turn off everything and listen to the question and do our best to answer…pointing them to TRUTH.
That makes for curious children who know we care enough to answer.
One thing I have always been strict about is afternoon naps/ rest times. This has been a life-source to me and has given them either rest or quiet–both needed in every single person’s life–Time to reflect, time to create, time to get away and be yourself. I think that is a good quality that I want to encourage! During their nap time, I often have my quiet time. Sometimes, like today, I get a nap too! Sometimes, I read or listen to music or clean. While listening to music or one of Beth Moore’s MP3’s, it gives me a lift and teaches me at the same time.
My husband, Chris, contributes a very important part to this formula. He often takes our children one-on-one and spends time with them. He is the one who lays the kids down at night. It is his time. Why don’t I do it? I like to, but it is Chris’ time with them. On weekends, Chris is the early riser, making breakfast and bringing me coffee about 8:30 or so (he brings it to me every day in bed). He shows them how important “we” are. The kids know that…it gives them security. Sometimes, Chris will even take all of the kids somewhere. I then can have a day alone, which I need for my own healthy attitude and a clean house too. It just re-fills my tank for time alone with the kids the next week.
Finally, one thing I want to focus on that we do as a family is part of WHO we are.
Friday nights are family night. We order pizza or make it homemade together. We watch a family movie or play games or both. Sometimes I will read aloud==like The Hobbit or The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Everyone loves it! The most important thing we do as a family on family night is our blessing box. This is where we say aloud all the blessings God has done for us–the “God-incidences.” I write them down on a sheet of paper and cut them into strips. Chris and I have done this from early on in our marriage. It helps to keep us focused on the fact that God cares about our daily lives, every single detail…AND we are thankful.
Chris often quotes Steve Farrar from Point Man where Steve says, “Quality time comes in Quantity Time.” We can’t just plan fun outings and expect them to be the quality time. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it’s not. We just spend time together. And during that time, the question may come, “Mom, why did God send His Son to die?” That is really what it’s all about–train them up in the truth and spending time to let them know that they are important.
The fact is our children know the games we play to NOT spend time with them. They have it figured out that sometimes we avoid them, which is why we get so very mad when they follow us everywhere! We want the time alone, and they need the time with us. I say that from experience. So give them the time with you and CARVE out the time when they need to be alone or play outside. Say OK, now it’s time to go outside…30 minutes. That way they know that it’s not just getting rid of them. Sometimes they even beg to stay out longer. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I guess one of the biggest struggles I have is clearly defining times and space for them.
All in all, we have a happy family. We like to spend time together; and I think we also make sure that whomever God sends to our home, they become family, because we treat them as such. It is just WHO we are.
When we are together, some joy is going on and some peace and kindness and love–a well-oiled wheel that doesn’t squeak.
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