“May I throw a Cheerio?” one of my children asked defiance edged her words. “I’m so mad I need to throw something.”
Anger. Some days it simmers under the surface of all we do ready to boil over at any minor infraction. Someone whistles when I prefer quiet and the heat ramps up. There are dishes on the table after I reminded folks to put them in the dishwasher. Pretty soon the simmering anger begins to boil and I must learn to turn the heat down to prevent my anger from scalding those around me.
If, as an adult, it is difficult to control my simmering anger, how much more difficult is it as a child? And if I cannot control the heat under my anger how can I teach my kids to control theirs?
Anger is perhaps one of the most difficult emotions to learn to control and to teach children to control. It is a strong emotion and children often interpret any very strong emotion as anger whether that emotion is guilt, frustration, or grief.
Sometimes as a parent it is wise to label strong emotions for you child. When a child erupts in what appears to be anger after being caught in disobedience I tell them, “When I get caught doing something I am not supposed to do I feel guilty. Sometimes that guilt feels like I am mad, but really I feel bad I was doing something wrong.”
Other times our children need tools to help them relieve the tension of the anger that is threatening to boil over. Things that may help relieve the tension are: taking time to cool down in a quiet place, with permission screaming into a pillow, with permission throwing a pillow (in a safe place where nothing will break), running around the yard, drawing, painting, or writing about how you feel, or if you have a punching bag of some sort letting it go on the bag.
Or maybe you can turn an irritable request to throw cereal into a “science experiment.” I had each of my children throw one Cheerio, one Froot Loop, and one Mini-Wheat square to determine which would go farther. Then we discussed how friction slowed down the light Cheerio too much and that the weight of the Mini-Wheat square was just right to sail the farthest.
Suddenly the simmering anger dissipated. Laughter rang through the air.
And it starts with us moms. We must not react in anger to our children’s anger. And we can only do that with the help of God.
What do you do to help your children deal with anger?
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