I remember years ago standing and watching my dear friend with her grandson, thinking I will never do that. She was now raising her grandson after her daughter-in-law died unexpectedly.
My thoughts were, “Why would you do that when his dad was a grown man, in good health, and quite able to take care of him?”
Over the years I really had no understanding of why she didn’t just let her son take care of him. I knew he had some problems, but still… this was his child and he needed to step up to the plate.
How ignorant was I?
I had no knowledge of what it meant for a grandma to become a mom again but I sure had my opinions of her situation and as I look back, I can see that I really had no compassion for her and what she was going through.
The tables have turned and I’m now the 64 year old grandma who has become a mom again.
It wasn’t anything I had planned and if you would have ask me if I would ever raise my grandchildren, I would of told you that as long as their parents were still alive that it would never happen. It was their responsibility, not mine.
But now I’m the grandma who is raising her grandkids and I know how hard it can be.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my grandchildren very much. But we all know that children are supposed to be with their parents. Funny how time has a way of changing our perspectives and as a mom who loves her children and a grandma who loves her grandchildren, I’ve learned that we have to step in and do whatever it takes…even if that means raising the children our kids should be raising.
I’m now raising one of our teenage grandsons. It just started out as they needed a place to stay for a little while. That was over a year ago. The parents separated and moved away leaving one son with us.
Right now neither is able to parent him as he needs, so we had to make the decision that we would keep him. It has been an adjustment, but not a bad one. We have been blessed that he is a great kid and loves Church.
Of course there have been some trying times – especially with school. There have been times his grades have not been up to par. So what do you do? As grandparents, of course we just want to love them and send home and let their parents do the discipline thing. But when you have taken on the responsibility of raising them, it becomes a whole different lifestyle. You now have to become the one who has to discipline, love them, be the encourager, and sometimes be the bad guy.
Your heart is telling you that you are the grandparents and you shouldn’t have to do this. But then reality kicks in and you know you have to do the parenting thing now. It is not easy, but we have to step in and do whatever is necessary for this child to become who God created him to be.
I admit that there have been times when we are angry with the parents who have put us in this situation. They go on living their everyday lives without feeling any real responsibility for their children. It’s infuriating to say the least. But then God steps into the picture…God, Who is full of grace and mercy, floods our hearts with peace and we can go on and be parents of our grandchildren one more day.
I now have compassion for my friend and for others who are raising grandchildren for whatever reason.
There was a lack of understanding on my part until I was faced with the same scenario as other grandparents who have walked this path.
It’s not an easy place to be at times. But with God all things are possible. He will never give us something we are not capable of doing through Christ. I’ve learned that I have to rely on Him to help us to be grandparents and parents at the same time.
We continue to pray that his parents will once again walk with God and they will be able to be the parents that God created them to be. Our deepest desire is to see them set free and doing Gods will in their lives.
Until then we will stand in the gap and be parents once again.
God has placed this child with us and we will do the best of our ability to raise him in a godly manner.
Let me say one important thing – always speak well of their parents. Do not let them hear you speak negatively about them.
They love their mom and dad and it’s import an that we teach them to respect and honor their parents. We have told our grandson that no matter what they do, they are his parents and he is to always be respectful towards them.
We are always telling him that they love him very much. They are just not able to be parents in this season of their lives. We encourage him to pray for them.
I pray for those who are in this same position as we are.
Grandchildren are so very special. So just love them, encourage them, and teach them the ways of the Lord. Allow God to guide you once again in the raising of children. He knows every struggle you have with this situation and desires for you to be at peace.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
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