Angry words reverberated through the house and past the bathroom door. And I broke down and cried – a loud sobbing ugly cry. I scared my kids. I didn’t mean to scare them. I just want so much more for them. I want them to be best friends. I long for a healthy family where we may irritate each other, but there is no doubt that we love each other. A family that laughs together, builds each other up, and encourages each other. And I mourned the wounds we cause each other and that my family was not the peaceful, loving ideal for which I prayed. I felt like a bad mom.
A few days before a kind man walked up to me at a store and told me, “You have a precious family.”
I smiled sad as I thought of the arguing that ensued prior to making it to the store. With a throat sore from words I spoke too harshly I weakly answered, “Thank you.” And I shook my head as I judged myself a bad mom.
My family doesn’t often live up to my ideal family. We can take a great picture, but life is not made up of snapshots, but of the chaos it takes to get that one moment when we all are smiling. These days we use photo shop to make the moment even more perfect. But the reality is that living with broken sinful people isn’t easy. It takes grace, forgiveness, selflessness, and patience. And even though my family loves each other we still have moments. Times when our brokenness scrapes across each other and we cut each other deep.
Often I measure my worth against how my children behave. When they sit still and think of others first I feel like I am doing something right. But when they bicker, whine, or argue I feel I must be a bad mom.
Moms, we must learn that our children’s decisions do not determine our worth. We cannot make choices for our children. We can guide and encourage them. But they will make choices that break our hearts and those choices don’t mean we are bad moms. It just means our children have their own brokenness that God must deal with. Only He can work in our children’s hearts to make them more like Jesus. So we must first allow God to sanctify our brokenness. Let Him make us more like Christ. Then we need to pray. Pray our children make wise choices, pray they grow to love the Lord so much that sin no longer brings them pleasure.
Too often we use our children’s choices as a measuring stick for whether we are good moms or not. Instead let’s rest in knowing we are imperfect vessels and that with the help of God we can be great moms. May we remember we are women who will need forgiveness, who stumble, but with the help of God will raise children for His glory.
Father God, we confess we are broken stumbling women who make so many mistakes. Lord, help us to know when we need to make changes in how we mother. Help us to stop condemning ourselves according to our kids’ poor choices. Instead give us wisdom to raise our children to know and love You well. Make us more like Jesus so our children will desire to be more like Him as well. Amen.
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