This Halloween, I just knew my girls would want to be Anna and Elsa from Frozen. Like most other four year old girls (and their parents, if we are being honest!), they have fallen in love with the story of these two sisters. But, when it came time to get dressed to go trick or treating two weeks ago, my girls refused to wear their new costumes. If I’ve learned anything about being a mother, it’s that I’ve got to pick and choose my battles. So, instead of forcing them to wear their Anna and Elsa costumes, I said, “Okay, here are two other costumes that you can wear. Pick one.”
My eldest twin chose Rapunzel and my younger chose Ariel from The Little Mermaid. They were happy in their costumes and I was happy that they were happy. Later that evening, as we were going door to door, I told Adeline how pretty she looked as Rapunzel. Several of her friends were dressed up like Elsa and I asked her if she was still okay with not choosing that costume to wear for Halloween. You know what my four year old said to me? “Mom, I didn’t want to be Elsa. I wanted to be different.”
Motherhood has opened the door to me being brave. From the moment that I learned my twins were going to be born three months early, I knew that I had to choose bravery over fear and different over ordinary. For the next 83 days, our two pound infants fought for their lives in an incubator down the hall from me, in an intensive care unit designed just for babies. It didn’t seem fair, for babies to have to struggle for each breath the moment they were born, or to be constantly pricked and prodded with I.V.’s, feeding tubes, and heart monitors. But, my girls were brave as they grew outside my womb and inside these plastic boxes. Their birth story was different and I was now different too.
Experiencing the roller coaster ride of the NICU taught me how to rely on God through my most fearful hours but it also planted this seed of fear in my heart. My husband and I had always dreamed of having four children but after the traumatic birth of our twins, I experienced shame with my body. Shame made me believe that their premature birth was my fault and I wasn’t capable to carry a healthy baby inside of me to term. Two years ago, when the discussion of having baby #3 began, this shame surfaced in such a vulnerable way that I knew the only way to conquer it was to be brave and believe that no matter what would happen, God would give me courage to carry a baby inside of me once again.
Our third child, Ridley, came into this world before his due date too. This time, I had a preemie that was five weeks early instead of twelve, but the minute my water broke on a dreary February day, I knew that I had to choose courage over fear. Courage got me through my sophomore child birth experience and when his cry filled the room, I too, began to cry. It was a miracle, this sweet child, and he will always be a gift of hope to his mom.
Being a mom gives me hope through the hard.
Because yes, motherhood is hard. It’s messy. Frustrating. Exhausting. Have you ever tried to potty train twins? But, I’m tired of “motherhood is hard” being the message that this generation of mothers is sending out. Rather, I’d like to say that being a mom gives me hope through the hard and that motherhood is this incredible journey of love, joy, and fun. But to begin shifting the message from “it’s hard” to “have hope,” we have to choose courage.
The definition of courage correlates directly with the word character. It’s the mind, in a great variety of meanings: the rational soul in man, intellect, consciousness, will, intention, courage, spirit, sensibility, feeling, passion, pride, wrath…the breath, life, and soul of a person.
We can be sensible as moms. Or prideful. Intentional. Yes, we will have moments of anger when the Oreo’s spill all over the floor again. But, how do we want our children to remember us as moms? What do we want the definition of our character to be, what is the very breath, life and soul of who we are?
So how are we, as moms, going to choose courageous character?
Bravery illuminates the dark places of ourselves and helps us choose light. Fear will not vanish but it can be extinguished. The mess won’t ever really go away and we can expect moments of frustration to surface through our daily lives. But to choose hope instead of hard as the definition of our character, we have to be strong and courageous when we feel discouraged. And we have to realize that we are not alone on this journey of motherhood. That’s why communities like The M.O.M. Initiative are so great to be in fellowship with other moms.
A brave mom is different, in the most beautiful of ways.
Be you, bravely.
Christen Price shared this message recently at a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) event. She is available to speak at your next mom event! To learn more about her speaking topics and how to contact her, follow this link.
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