“I can’t wait to see you two renew your vows, I wish my husband and I could do something like that!” As I read yet another comment on my Facebook page, it confirmed my feelings our vow renewal wasn’t just for my marriage. Later when Chris and I had a chance to talk after putting the kids to bed, he shared comments he received at work about our wedding.
“I think it’s a bigger deal to people we’re doing this a second time around. No one thought we would make it one year much less fifteen years,” Chris commented as we wrapped bottles in burlap for our table decorations.
A quick side note, I had to add all the images of the bottles. These were amazing show pieces for our vow renewal. Cheap, easy to do, but time consuming when you have 100 bottles to wrap. 🙂
Chris and I often give our testimony of how God repaired two broken people on top of restoring our marriage. Statistically speaking our marriage had less than a one percent chance of surviving when we said our vows as young teenage parents. I remember thinking it was us against the world as we tried to become a family despite the negativity about marrying so young.
We didn’t know how hard marriage and parenting would actually be, we just thought if we loved each other enough we would make it. Sadly, our marriage encountered alcoholism, selfishness, neglect, financial collapse, and infidelity. It wasn’t until Chris and I both became followers of Christ that our marriage began to change. The more we dug into the Bible, the more we learned about the real meaning of marriage. Here are five building blocks that rebuilt our marriage and brought us to the altar a second time.
5 Building Blocks of a Strong Marriage
Toss Expectations
“Why aren’t you talking to me now?” Chris exasperated as he flipped through channels on the TV, all the while my thoughts were, “He knows it irritates me when he doesn’t take out the garbage. He just does it on purpose to bug me.” The reality was my husband didn’t know how much it meant to me take out the garbage.
We all go into our marriages with certain expectations and ideals of how we think our spouse will act; and when our spouse fails to meet our expectations, it sets our marriage up for failure.
We learned early on toss out our expectations and instead focus on studying each other. This taught me for example, how forgetful my husband is in the mornings about taking out the trash.
Marriage is a shared Identity
In a working marriage, both spouses act as if they’re a team in all areas; parenting, careers, and managing finances. No longer is a man living his life for himself and a woman living her life for herself. This meant sitting down with my spouse and writing out our dreams and goals for our lives. This created unity and reminded us in the tough moments we’re in it together.
Understand and Define Roles
“Chris, you can’t make them sit in a time out, make them draw sticks from the “Get Along Jar,” I commented as he separated our bickering kids. He replied without hesitation, “You’ve been correcting me all morning, I need my pants back honey.”
In order for a marriage to flourish, both partners need to understand God’s grand design when he created marriage. This meant going back to The Garden to appreciate how God created woman as a powerful helper to her spouse. She wasn’t less but equal. This also meant considering God created man to the spiritual leader and protector of the home. Once Chris and I understood our roles, the power struggle of “wearing the pants” stopped.
We Were Here First
One evening as a friend reviewed our new budget, he looked at my husband and asked, “Chris, where’s the funds for date night?” Confused Chris didn’t know how to respond before our financial planner commented that in order for our marriage to thrive, Chris needed to plan to take his wife out for weekly date nights. Chris, I want you to remember this, “You and your wife are already a family, but children and welcome to join in. Make date night a priority.” The day to day rhythm of marriage is tough enough on top of parenting a brood of children, too many couples we know divorced because the marriage became all about the children instead of the needs of their marriage.
Pray and Communicate…In That Order
We often heard it said, “A couple that prays together, stays together,” we’ve found it to be true. Prayer redirects our irritations, hurts, and frustrations to a Christ centered focus. When our attention is on Christ, it allows God to soften our hearts towards our partners as we pray for God to give us strength and wisdom in our conflicts. Praying also creates the ability to be vulnerable thus deepening intimacy in each other. After we would pray, we could then clearly communicate concerns and needs.
Just less than a month ago, I wore the dress of my dreams as I promised my heart to my husband in front of close friends and our church family. The original promises we made at the altar had been heartfelt but mostly uninformed and in many ways, that is the beauty of a promise—that it goes into new territory without changing. After fifteen years, we’re making the same promises once again, only this time we have a deeper understanding of what it means to become one, to support each other, and forget our former worldly expectations. The building blocks of marriage begins with a promise and within those promises is God’s love for our marriage—it reflects the steadfastness and strength in the beauty of God’s perfect marriage design.
A quick note: Heather & Chris visit retreats, mom’s groups, and churches all over the state of Nebraska sharing their testimony of marriage and the 5 Building Blocks that led them down the aisle again. If you would them to speak at your group, contact Heather at Riggleman5 @ GmailDOTCom.
And this will be one of the key elements she will touch on during her session at the Better Together conference!
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REGISTER NOW for the
2014 M.O.M. Conference ~ BETTER TOGETHER
July 31st – August 2nd,
Jacksonville, Florida at Trinity Baptist Church
Registration Information, Location, List of Breakout Sessions, Descriptions of Workshops, Conference Speaking Team, Better Together Conference Flyer, Better Together Bulletin Insert (Full Color), Better Together Bulletin Insert (Black & White), Better Together Conference Cards (Postcard Size)
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