Do you know those days when—although nothing went “wrong”—you still feel like you lost?
Failed. Came up short.
For me, those days look like every other day—school drop-offs and pick-ups, a handful of bottles for the baby, a round of Candyland in the afternoon, the bedtime rush. I may have taken a tone with the kids while trying to make dinner, but by all accounts, it was a good day.
A perfectly normal day in my life.
So why do I sometimes still feel defeated?
Over the years I’ve noticed one distinguishing factor: the expectation I was holding up that day without even knowing it.
Some days it’s, “I should be listening to my children instead of bossing them.” Others it’s, “I’m not nurturing their creativity. When was the last time we broke out the craft supplies?” or “I’m not giving them the adventuresome childhood they deserve. Too much screen time, not enough outdoor time…”
Some days, the expectation in my head doesn’t even have to do with the kids. It has to do with me. “Is this it?” I wonder as I clean up another spill. “Am I living up to my potential?”
It’s a side effect of being a purposeful mom. You are continually reading and thinking about how to give your family the best version of yourself, but sometimes your desire to improve intrudes on your ability to see yourself.
At the end of the day, instead of remembering the moment when the kids mitigated their own argument just like you’ve taught them or when the oldest came to you for understanding and you gave it instead of shrugging him off, all you see is the big white flag of defeat.
All because of that ONE thing you didn’t do.
On those nights, when I’m waving my sad little white flag, I need a game plan—a way to brush myself off and prepare for tomorrow. If you could use one, too, try these five steps next time you feel defeated as a mom after a “normal” day.
- Identify that thing you were expecting of yourself that day.
- Ask yourself if it is something you really care about—or just the flavor of the day. (This will help you decide if you want to keep working on it, or if it would be best just to let it go.)
- Identify one small victory from your day.
- Choose one completely attainable thing you’d like to do better tomorrow. Jot it down in a journal or your day planner or a sticky note on the fridge. (Having a plan for tomorrow will allow you to relax tonight, but make sure it is something you can succeed at.)
- Officially let go of today, and then take the night to recuperate. Read, soak your feet, go for a walk, pray, eat a bowl of cereal at 10pm—just be intentional about getting back some positive energy.
In the words of Kahil Gibran, “Work is love made visible.” Your work on yourself as a person and on behalf of your family matters. It is love made visible. But knowing that you can’t do it all (or at least not all at once) will help you love your family and yourself at the same time.
When was the last time you allowed the ONE thing you didn’t do make you feel like you lost? Has this encouraged you today to know the 5 steps that can help you the next time you feel defeated?
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2014 M.O.M. Conference ~ BETTER TOGETHER
July 31st – August 2nd,
Jacksonville, Florida at Trinity Baptist Church
Registration Information, Location, List of Breakout Sessions, Descriptions of Workshops, Conference Speaking Team, Better Together Conference Flyer, Better Together Bulletin Insert (Full Color), Better Together Bulletin Insert (Black & White), Better Together Conference Cards (Postcard Size)
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