It was a stare down between me and my 13 year old son. I was right and he knew it, but he wanted to be right so badly he was willing to stand eye to eye with me(because he is as tall as I am), giving me his “I think I am smarter than you” glare. Have you been there?
I am no stranger to this. I have been there 3 times before with his older brothers. The early teen years for a boy can be brutal on parents and for the boy. So much is going on in the mind of a young boy who wants so badly to be a man. His body is changing fast but his mind is changing faster and he struggles with keeping up and processing it all. In the midst of that throw in a mom who misses her little boy who would snuggle with her and come to her with his hurts.
Here are a few things I have learned as a mom of a young teenage boy.
He needs his dad more than me. This hurts. For 11 years I was his main source of comfort & reassurance and now he is weaning himself from me and clinging more tightly with his dad. This is the biblical model and the way I want it to be. If my son is going to learn to be a man, he needs his dad to teach him, guide him and be his main influence.
He still needs me, but on his terms. I remember when our first son would randomly come up to me and give me a hug. Physical touch was his love language, but hugging your mom was definitely not cool. But there were moments when he just needed to remind me that he still needed me around. Over time, I learned to stand back and let him initiative the thoughtful conversations and hugs.
He needs to know I am proud of him. As my son grows into a man, he doesn’t need to hear the same things from me he did when he was little. Now I need to appeal to his manhood in progress. Even though he and I may fuss occasionally, I am still proud of the man he is trying to grow into.
Iron sharpens iron. Proverbs 27:17
While these days with my son may be hard, my consistency with him will be worth it in the end! A pastor friend of mine reminded me of the Japanese art of sword making and how this relates to raising our sons. This is an art form that has lasted centuries and is still carried on today. The art of making the samurai sword begins with just the right ingredients of earth and just the right temperature of fire. The result is special steel called, “Tamahagane”.
Once the steel is ready, it is sent to the sword smith who will take this small amount of steel and create a sword that will last thousands of years. The process used to make this sword involves precise and deliberate methods of removing impurities and shaping of the metal. The sword smith will pound the steel and fold the steel repeatedly creating layer after layer that in turn gives the sword strength and endurance. He will use fire to keep his steel at the right temperature as he pounds & folds. It is all done by hand and by trained eye. The average time it takes to make the samurai sword is 3 months!
The end result is a sword, known by the world as the strongest, most durable single edged sword used to defend and fight off the enemy. Here is a great video of the process.
This is the kind of son I want to raise; a son who will be prepared to defend his faith and protect his family and lead them in their knowledge and understanding of the Lord.
This means his father and I must be committed to shaping him in the midst of difficulty, using his weaknesses to teach him strength and discipling him with the Scriptures. There will be days when I would rather just ignore his bad attitude or irresponsible behavior, but like the sword smith who cannot ignore any impurities in his sword, I cannot ignore my son’s sin.
To the mom of the young teenage boy, take heart. Your days may not be easy, but your work is not in vain. Keep praying over him, loving him and gently guiding him along. Then trust the Lord with the results. Seek the Lord for wisdom, words and responses. You are gonna make it!
You can read more from Dana on her personal blog: A Little This-A Little That where she blogs about her crazy life as a mom to 11 kids & you can also find Dana at her JoyMoms Blog sharing how to find joy in motherhood.
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