By Guest: Arlene Pellicane
Picture this: the kids are done with school for the day – homework included. They have some free time. What happens next in the real world of your home?
If you are like many other families today, your child will start playing video games, engage with a computer screen, or watch television. According to a Kaiser Family Foundation national survey, 8-18 year olds devote an average of 7 hours and 38 minutes to using some form of entertainment media every day. And because they spend much of that time multitasking with more than one screen open at a time, they actually take in even more.
7 hours and 38 minutes. That is a stunning, high number.
It’s not just older kids who are preoccupied with screens. Many toddlers and younger kids spend hours in front of a screen or holding a smartphone while in the grocery store, car, or home. Screens are becoming a convenient co-parent or babysitter.
But there are many problems associated with having a screen do all that.
- Screens can’t give hugs, words of affirmation, or kisses.
- Screens teach your child that he can be constantly entertained and stimulated. Real life doesn’t work that way.
- Screens cheat your child out of developing emotionally. Instead of dealing with a problem or boredom, she can escape to a game or online activity.
- Screens prevent your child from learning how to soothe himself and calm down. Many kids need a screen to stay quiet in a restaurant, or they need the crutch of a television to fall asleep.
I think of a mom who responded to a survey about screen time. Nancy has three children, ages 2, 16 and 17. Their family used to have media guidelines but they were not able to keep them. Nancy says, “The screens stay on all day and sometimes all night. My kids play video games and watch movies. I am concerned because it has affected our family relationship very much.”
The norm doesn’t seem to be working very well.
What can you do as a mom to set the tone for wise media use in your home?
1. Set clear guidelines about media use with your kids. Decide how much media your child is allowed to have each day and be firm with those limits. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screen time for babies under 2. For children older than 2, no more than two hours a day. If that sounds too hard right now, start by cutting your media usage by 25% or 50%.
2. Have a family discussion and make it fun. You can take your kids out to ice cream after the meeting. If you have been allowing your children to have too much screen time, you can begin by apologizing. “Honey, we owe you an apology. We have been busy afterschool and we haven’t been very good about monitoring what you watch and how much you watch. But from now on, we want to do what is healthiest for you.”
3. Replace screen time with reading and activities. I know a single dad who has two elementary school boys. He was tired of all the screen time, so he started a month-long media fast. The prize at the end of the month was a fun family day trip. That month, the boys replaced their screen time with reading, imaginary play, and lots of building Legos. His nine-year-old said, “Dad, I’m so glad we are doing this fast. Books are way better than TV!”
4. Model being media wise to your children. Let’s face it. Our kids learn from watching us and we tend to be connected all…the…time. I posted a photo on Facebook yesterday. Ten minutes later, I was back at my computer just to check if anyone had made a comment. Why did I need to do that? Does my day rise and fall with the amount of likes I get? We all have to check our own habits and learn to be at rest without our devices. Our kids won’t learn how to disconnect if we don’t know how ourselves.
Are you concerned with the amount of time your child spends on screens during free time? What is one thing you can do about it?
Friend, have hope…you are not powerless against the digital tide and you can be a game changer in your own home.
A Bit About Arlene:
Arlene Pellicane is the author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene and her husband James have three children, ages 3, 6 and 8. You can find out more about Arlene’s books and ministry at www.ArlenePellicane.com.
A Bit About Arlene’s Book:
What does a man need most from his wife? Arlene Pellicane, author of 31 Days to a Younger You, asked numerous husbands that question. Based on their answers, Pellicane identified five keys that will give wives a new appreciation and understanding of how to love and care for their mates.
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