Temper ‘n’ Tantrums… the TNT of the toddler and (sometime beyond)world. What is a mom to do when her little one drops a big emotional bomb?
1. Don’t catch it!
It is so hard not to participate in a tantrum. Kids want to draw parents into their drama. It’s a way of controlling the adult. The adult may get angry, plead, cajole, give in….whatever….just to make the screaming meme stop. Just remember, your response has the power to impact the tantrums to come. (And there will be more.)Next…
2. Stay Cool.
It’s tough remain in control when you begin to feel the heat of frustration and anger rise. Find what I call a “Rage Interrupter” Something that will cool the heat. For me it’s the Silent Scream. I turn away from the object of my wrath and let out a Silent Scream. That seems to change my attitude. It brings back my sense of control and humor. My co-author, Becky Danielson, repeats “Love is patient, Love is kind.” (As you can see she is the nice one between the two of us. Confession: When I’m angry, scripture doesn’t always pop into my head.)
3. Remove the Tantrum.
“Take the tantrum to your room. Once the tantrum has moved or you have moved the tantrum say, “When you can leave the tantrum, come on back out and see me.”
4. Give the Child the Power.
If your youngster understands he can separate from the tantrum, he will be more able to calm himself and self regulate.
Going forward…
5. Reduce the Tantrums.
Tantrums occur when a child is hungry, angry, frustrated, over-whelmed, tired, not getting his way, or needing attention. Do what you can to prevent them. They are somewhat predictable.
Remember…
6. Tantrums are Developmental.
Your temper-tantrum kid isn’t the Tasmanian Devil. He’s just two (or fill in the blank). He needs to learn the skills in how to deal with his emotions. Give him words like I’m sad. I’m mad. I’m hungry. Teach him how to state his needs.
7. Don’t be a Hostage.
Avoid giving into the demands of the tantrum. If you do you will only increase the strength and staying power of the next one… YIKES!
8. It’s only a Moment.
Keep the tantrum in perspective. This too shall pass.
By,
Lori Wildenberg
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