“You’re not doing the same things,” my husband said when I was working with my second son when he was 2, 3 and 4.
“Yes, I am,” I remember answering, somewhat frustrated. “The same things aren’t working.”
Regardless of the age, sometimes “the same things” don’t work. Developing children requires a diverse strategy arsenal.
For academic development, we used alphabet puzzles, flash cards, animal alphabet cards, Bob Books, Now I’m Reading Books. One learned to spell his name first in sign language. Another chose Garfield over classics – our home library is stuffed with Garfield, Snoopy, the classics, World War II literature, American history books. When two sons had trouble turning in assignments at school, I bought calendars, schedule books – and came up with the Trinity of Success.
For behavioral development, we dug into our arsenal of choices:“No,” corporal punishment, picking up rocks, squats. We even enacted take-aways: social events, media, games, phones, cars and other privileges.
For health and fitness, we’ve provided the right nutrition, the right amount of exercise, followed up with doctor’s visits for complaints that just won’t go away.
When “the same things” don’t work, a vigilant parent creates alternative strategies. Yet, what do you do when none of the alternative strategies don’t work.
The professionals might even say words like, “Lazy, Not Paying Attention,” “Stomach pain? It’s in their head.” “Rebellious.”
When lazy doesn’t match up. When the haunted look of pain in their eyes doesn’t match up. When doing the opposite of what you’re asked doesn’t match up? To the child’s heart. . . .
When nothing works. . . nothing . . . when the incentives don’t entice, the discipline – all those squats – don’t move behavior, when in-the-head pain is so bad it limits their abilities – to the point of risking social diminishment . . .
No child wants to be in pain. No child wants to be unsuccessful in school. Every teen wants to drive.
Behavior must match the child’s heart. The pieces to the puzzle must fit in cause/effect ways.
That’s a sign for out-of-the-box response – a solution revolution.
The solution revolution starts with prayer – hit-the-floor prayer.
Each time, within three days people crossed my path, providing pieces to these puzzles destroying my sons’ lives.
The solution revolution, once prayer is released will take you to the solution – to specialized responses beyond your knowledge and experience.
One son had Central Auditory Processing Disorder. Another son had severe esophagitus. Another son had ADD, not a behavior issue but a focus issue.
CAPD is like dyslexia of the ears. It has the ability to not only affect what you hear (background noise reduced this son’s hearing ability to 24%). He was hearing 2 out of 3 words correctly. It not only affected how he heard but how he learned math and language arts. He had to be taught to recognize the patterns. He also didn’t hear tone. I don’t like to call it a disorder, though. Different shouldn’t equal disorder.
Another son suffered severe esophagitus from 1st to 6th grade. By 6th grade, he was running like someone’s grandma, unable to focus and concentrate due to the constant pain. The pediatrician said it was in his head. One specialist said it was a fiber issue. The aggressive specialist we eventually found said the pain was not located in an “in-your-head” place and scoped him. We had to totally change his diet. He had to re-develop his foundational muscles, rebuild his 6-pack. It’s hard sitting through a school day with intense stomach pain. He had to re-learn learning.
When turning homework in on time and organizational management – even with sports because long-term challenges. We thought it was rebellion and laziness – so did the teachers. Until an ADD adult described “living and working in a fog,” creating an inability to complete projects – we had no clue. Discipline and incentive couldn’t lead the way out of that fog.
When you’ve tried everything you know. When you’ve tried main-stream solutions. When you’ve taken everything away or even promised much as incentive. When you’ve implemented punishment – and nothing works.
It’s time to think out of the box. It’s time for a solution revolution.
What has your family experienced that has made you look for a solution revolution?
By: Maryleigh Bucher
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