In high school, I was recognized as “Most Involved” in our Who’s Who of the senior class. I was proud of this title because I was indeed, the most involved. I was a varsity cheerleader, captain of the soccer team, SGA senior class secretary, honor student, Interact Club member, and an active member of a dozen more clubs. I never came home right after school; I always had a practice or a meeting. I was a busy girl then and now, as a working mother of twin girls, I am just as busy carting my children to their extra-curricular activities.
Right now, my twin girls love gymnastics. We go to class once a week and they always leave wanting more. I watch them jump and balance and already imagine them being part of the 2027 US Olympic Team. Or, making their high school cheerleading squad.
Next week, they will start micro-soccer. Since my husband and I both played tournament ball in this sport, we are beyond excited to introduce soccer to our girls. We’ve bought pink and black cleats, shin guards and socks and spent a Saturday afternoon kicking the ball around outside. We know their team will be more like herding cows than playing positions but we can’t wait to cheer on our little athletes.
It is so easy to get wrapped up in extra-curricular activities. Besides gymnastics and soccer, we are also interested in violin lessons and dance. While I want my children to be well-rounded and have many skill sets, I also want to be mindful of our time.
As moms, we often view ourselves as our children’s chauffeurs. Every night of the week is filled with either a practice, lesson, or activity. I know the older my children get, the more there will be available for them to do. But, as I try to guard our time as a family I have to ask, “Is more always better?”
Is it healthy to be busy with activities every single day? Looking back to my youth, I appreciate what sports and clubs taught me. I learned leadership, discipline, teamwork, and gained confidence. The skills I learned through my involvement helped me become accepted into a university and I now apply that training towards my career. But, did I really need to be a member of so many clubs? Should I have said yes to less?
When it comes to picking out extra-curricular activities for our children, we need to keep in mind these five things:
- Is this activity a natural gifting from the Lord to my child? My girls are about to be three but I can already see their athletic abilities and love for art and music. We will guide them toward activities centered around these abilities while they are young and then we will make choices together as they grow older based on their natural gifts instead of what everyone else is signing up for.
- What is the motivation for choosing your child’s extracurricular activities? Do I want my child to do this activity because I love it or does my child need to do this activity because he/she will love it? As I mentioned earlier, my girls are participating in gymnastics and soccer – both sports that I played when I was younger. I think it is okay to start your children in an activity that you are familiar with but you just have to keep in mind that if he/she doesn’t love it, you need to let go of that dream for your child and start another.
- How will this activity benefit my child in the long run? Plenty of extra-curriculars look good on college applications but choosing a few activities that your child excels in goes a lot further than many mediocre activities.
- What is my plan if my child wants to quit? Developing a habit of quitting at an early age sets our children up to take the easy way out later down the road. They are less likely to stick to something because they know their parents will let them walk away. As child-rearers, we need to have game plans for if our child wants to stop an activity. Will you let he/she stop in the middle or wait until the end of the season? Is the reason for quitting acceptable?
- Does my child find joy while doing this activity? If your child is miserable or is putting too much pressure on themselves to perform, it might be time for a break. Children have too many expectations on them to be the best. As parents, we need to affirm our children and remind them that God wants us to live joyful lives, not stressed out lives.
As mothers, we have the unique opportunity to shape our family dynamic and mold our children the way God uniquely designed them. God gave us all gifts, but he didn’t intend for us to say yes to everything. We should model our family’s schedule in a way that reflects rest, responsible actions, and reasoning. Being busy all the time just leads to burn out quicker. Take it from a girl who is trying to go from “Most Involved” to “Most Likely to Ask God First.”
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