My twin two year old girls love The Tale of Peter Rabbit. I’m sure they can relate to mischievous Peter, who doesn’t listen to his mother and goes to Mr. McGregor’s garden anyway to eat carrots. Our version has the pull tabs and it is almost torn to pieces we’ve read it so much. They love finding Peter’s lost shoes and pulling the gooseberry net up and down trying to release him. They explore the tool shed looking for Peter but only finding a ladybug, butterfly and bubble bee instead. Finally, Peter makes it out of Mr. McGregor’s garden and makes it home but instead of receiving hot soup like his sisters, his mother puts him in bed with chamomile tea. After reading about Peter for so long, I have to say in true southern style, “Bless his momma’s heart.”
Seriously, poor Mrs. Rabbit! She warned her son not to go into mean ole’ Mr. McGregor’s garden so he wouldn’t turn up in pie like his father but Peter did it anyway. He was disobedient, careless, and stubborn.
Peter Rabbit reminds me of my children. Does he yours?
I can relate to how frustrated Mrs. Rabbit felt when Peter did what she told him not to do. I felt that frustration just yesterday. My oldest twin has an obsession with my bathroom. She is such a girly girl (oh my!) and loves makeup, lotion, hair accessories, and lip gloss. I see nothing wrong with her finding these things pretty but I do not like for her to get into my drawers without supervision. When she does, it turns out like this:
somehow my mascara turned into face paint
When she got in my makeup drawer yesterday morning, I gave her a warning. She didn’t listen. I gave her a second warning and put her in time out. She blew her tongue out at me. At this point, I was searching for the peace and self-control that the Fruit of the Spirit says I should have.
When my child is disobedient, it is hard to feel anything but frustrated. I just want to shake her and tell her to listen to me. But, is that truly the best way to get her to behave?
Recently, I heard a family counselor speak about Fruitful Parenting. He said, “All frustration comes from an expectation that hasn’t been met.” He went on to say that humans (children fall into this category!) function better when we know what is expected of us and what will happen if we meet or fail to meet the expectation. Expectations are part of our job description as parents – mothers – because we are the ones who should be instilling what is morally right and wrong into our children. A familiar child-raising verse in the Bible is Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” I’ve always paid attention to the training up part of that verse but what the counselor pointed out was “the way he should go.” Peter’s mother told Peter the way he should go. But, Peter went in the way he wanted to go instead of listening to his mother. In order for our children not to get tangled in a gooseberry net, we have to practice consequence-based parenting.
Consequence-based parenting is about identifying the expectations that we have for our children. The expectations can simply be broken into the what, when, how, where, and why. My two year old needs to know that she is not allowed to play with my makeup (what) unless she is supervised (when). She will be assisted by me in applying the makeup (how) only in the bathroom (where) so she won’t make a mess (why). If she meets those expectations, she will be rewarded with fun makeup time. If she does not meet those expectations, she isn’t allowed to have fun makeup time.
I don’t know if Peter’s disobedience was a continual action or if running into Mr. McGregor’s garden was his first time offense. I think he had probably tested the water before and that was why his momma warned him at the beginning of the book. She disciplined him at the end by taking away supper but she still needs to practice consequence-based parenting. Maybe the next day she tells Peter that his prior actions showed that he wasn’t as mature as he thought he was so he lost his privileges to run around without supervision. Peter might blame his mother for his punishment but she must remind Peter that his actions cost him his privileges, not hers.
I’m sure his mother doesn’t want to take the time to supervise Peter’s activities (just like I don’t want to stand guard at my bathroom door) but in order for our children to learn how to meet our expectations we must practice consequence-based parenting. Our children are going to push the limits…it is sadly part of their nature. But, when they push, might we as moms be strong enough in our expectations that this pushing can lead to growth? That our children’s challenging moments can draw us to a place of peace instead of frustration? Instead of impulse parenting, might we be able to set a simple plan of expectations and consequences?
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. – Galatians 6:9
Question: How do you handle your child’s disobedience?
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