Nine years ago marks one of the most difficult, yet most important Christmases in my life. It would become a Christmas that would change my life and how I celebrate the birth of Jesus.
In October, we had found out we were having another baby. This baby would be our ninth child and we were just as excited as if it were our first. However, our excitement changed to sorrow when we found out two months later we would never see this baby come full term. We later found out I had a virus that attacked my sweet baby and I miscarried at 12 weeks. This was my first miscarriage. It was an experience I never wanted to have. I wept and mourned for this sweet baby I would never nurse at my breast or rock to sleep. Our whole family was devastated.
My body began the process it was created to do when a baby dies in the womb and this made mourning even worse as the pain of contractions and the bleeding continued. Christmas morning came and all the excitement of opening gifts with our children was in full swing. As I sat on the floor helping to open boxes and unfasten baby dolls from the boxes I suddenly felt excruciating pain run through my abdomen. I immediately got up and went to the bathroom and realized my body was at the peak of expelling my dead baby. I sat in the bathroom weeping, not from the pain, but from the reality that my baby was in fact dead and this was happening on Christmas Day. My Christmas was ruined now!
“Lord God!” I cried out, “Why would you let this happen today? It is bad enough you took my baby, but why would you take my baby from my body today? Today is supposed to be a happy, joyful day! But here I am in horrible pain as my body gets rid of my baby. Why God! Why?”
Right there in my bathroom the Holy Spirit began to minister to my broken heart. Right there, he spoke gently to my aching soul.
“Your Heavenly Father knows your pain. He sees your tears. He hears your cries. He sent His only son to die for you. His only son was born to die so you could live.”
My tears didn’t dry up, they only flowed more.
“Oh my God, your love is so overwhelming! I can’t understand”
Suddenly the real truth of Christmas flooded my soul like my tears had flooded my eyes. We celebrate the birth of Jesus, but his birth marked the beginning of his death and our life. His birth was glorious and miraculous and should be celebrated, but in the midst of our celebration we often forget why he was born…so he could die. We get so caught up in the worldly way of celebrating we forget what we really should celebrate…his death and resurrection.
Because of our sin, Christ became man so he could die and make eternal life possible for us. It is all because of us. He was beaten and hung on a cross because of my disgusting sin. He rose on the third day because he loves me! Even now, I truly cannot grasp this. I don’t understand how he can love me so deeply when my sin is so great!
I healed from my miscarriage and we were excited to find out early in the next year we would have another baby. Kaylin Grace was born in November. Her middle name is a reminder to me of the grace given to me during the miscarriage and after. She knows a baby died in mommy’s tummy before she was born and knows she might not be here if that baby had lived. “I don’t like that your baby died, but I’m glad that I am here.” she says.
I can still picture my unborn baby playing at the feet of Jesus. Even though I still wish I could have held him, I am thankful the Lord used him to remind me of why we celebrate the birth of Jesus. We celebrate his grace given to us.
God’s grace was wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a manger. His Grace was worshiped by shepherds and sought out by wise men. His Grace walked and talked with sinners and healed many. His Grace loved the unlovable and forgave the unforgivable. His Grace became a man, experienced everything a man would experience and suffered persecution that would break even the strongest man. God’s grace was beaten to the point of death and hung on a rugged wooden cross, naked for all to see. His Grace died a human death but rose a Heavenly resurrection. Because of His Grace, we have life. His Grace is a gift to us and that is why we celebrate Christmas.
By: Dana Bailey
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