Being a teen is tough. It’s that limbo place between being a child and being a young adult, and it’s hard to figure out where you belong. You want to be treated as if you’re all grown up, yet you still need a parent’s wisdom. Hormones are changing as quickly as your life and you struggle with finding your way.
Being a parent of a teen might just be harder than being a teen. It’s hard for a mom to really know what to do during those pivotal years when they seem so independent but they don’t process life like an adult yet.
During those years it’s very easy for a mom to step back instead of stepping up.
I remember one Christmas when I was about thirteen, my mom had bought me a small television set. I knew it cost my parents more money than they had. It was an extravagant gift and my parents just knew it was exactly what I wanted. I was so excited and thankful for what I knew was a very sacrificial gift, but it was during a time when a lot was going on in my teenage life.
I was struggling with who I was; what others were saying about me; friendships; acceptance; boys; grades; direction; temptations; what to believe – who to believe. I needed to talk to my mom but her world had become so busy that we became passing ships in our own house.
One evening during a heated debate with my mom, she looked at me and said, “You just got a television for Christmas…what more do you want?!” And with tears in my eyes, I looked up and said, “I JUST WANT YOU!”
We often mistake our teenagers years as a time when they don’t really need us that much anymore, but the reality is that they need us just as much as they ever did – maybe even more. We may no longer have to hold their hand to cross the street, but we still have to hold their hearts.
If you are the parent of a teenager, don’t let their almost adult appearance mislead you. Don’t allow their request for more independence make you think you’re job is over. They need you now more than ever.
Here are 5 tips for parenting teens:
1. Be available – They aren’t always willing to to talk and are often more guarded with their conversations, so be ready to talk when they are. Be ready to spend time with them when they ask. You will find that some of your best conversations happen in the middle of the night. You may be one tired momma, but you’ll be so glad you were available when your teenager needed you.
2. Be interested – Moms are great at tuning out the noise. Unfortunately, we also often tune out our kids. Teens know that and often take advantage of it. When your children are teens it’s not a time to tune out… it’s time to tune in. Listen to what they say to and about others. Take time to listen between the lines of their conversations. Find out what they’re interested in and be interested too.
3. Be a listener – Oftentimes your teens will say things that will drive you up a wall. You’ll desperately want to fill them with advice and shower the blessings of your wisdom down on their heads in hopes that they’ll get it. As a mom, you want to fix it for them and just tell them the best way to handle it. But listening to what they say and really hearing their heart is much better than a quick answer that they’re not ready to hear. Listen to them. Hear their words…but more importantly, listen to their heart.
4. Be a proactive parent – Waiting for their challenges to be a crisis will not only rock your world as a parent, but may just shatter theirs. Be vigilant and cautious about the friends they hang out with, the places they go, the habits they seem to be forming. Don’t just wait until they develop friendships with kids who are headed in the wrong direction, intentionally set up road blocks by helping them foster friendships with kids with character. Don’t just wait until they are faced with opposition, failure and tempation – faithfully prepare them for how to handle real life experiences in a way that honors God. Be proactive in prayer; be proactive in parenting; be proactive in preparing them for real life.
5. Be patient – Teens aren’t adults. They may think they are but physically, emotionally and mentally, they are not equipped to process life through the lens of maturity yet. They will fail. They will fall. They will make decisions that will leave you scratching your heading and asking why. Teens don’t become adults overnight. Remember what you were like when you were a teen. Remember your struggles, your insecurities, your battles, your confusion, your raging hormones and your need for acceptance. Times may have changed, but the heart of a teenager has not. They’re still in the process of becoming an adult. They aren’t there yet. So, while it may be painful, be patient as you continue to parent them in their journey. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Continue to be available, to be interested, to be a good listener, to be a proactive parent…but in the journey, be patient!
Oh… and be their example! Nothing speaks louder than your life to the heart of a curious teen trying to find their way. Never underestimate the power of a faithful momma who loves her children well. They’re still trying to figure out who they are…the best thing you can do is to be an example worth following.
What struggles do you have with your teens? What advice can you offer moms who are dealing with those tough teen years?
By: Stephanie Shott
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