You know I think it’s a combination of things, both emotionally and spiritually. And it’s okay to take something to stabilize your moods… just for a little while.
Tears filled my eyes as relief laced with pride flooded my emotions. For years, I bragged how God had set me free from depression and other mental disorders. So this moment felt like both surrender and defeat. In the last 18 months, I had faced overwhelming challenges as a mom. Instead of grieving, sorting through emotions and taking each moment at a time to God, I struggled with independence and somehow stuffed it all to the bottom of my heart. And now I seemed to be on the brink of an emotional breakdown—the kind that a good cry and chocolate couldn’t fix.
My mind checked off the list that put me in this spiritual stall and sadness in the first place:
- Starting a new business
- Starting a new business with strangers
- Discovering my oldest was autistic on top of inattentive ADD
- Battling school probation for my child
- My husband going back to school
- My son being diagnosed with ADHD
- Miscarriage
- Unable to get pregnant
- Doctor confirming we needed to specialist to get pregnant after months of trying
- Feeling like a failure in the midst of my book launch due to grammatical errors
- Forgetting to pick up kids from school with the new schedule of everyone being in school or preschool
- Setting supper on fire….frequently
- Discovering my perfectionism nature and not being able to meet my own expectations
- Committing to too many projects
- Daily obligations
- Dealing with two strong-willed children on a daily basis
Anyone looking at my list of emotional battle wounds would be chuckling and asking why I didn’t ask for help sooner. It’s a no brainer. But for some of us, asking for help is a foreign concept. For some of us–maybe you–it feels like admitting defeat and that you are not worthy of God’s love?
Today as I sat in church feeling tired and overwhelmed, I muttered prayers of, “Well God, here I am again. But I don’t see you here. I’m waiting,” when Pastor’s words about surrender began to echo the conversation with Cindy. There in the middle of church did the realization hit I had placed expectations on God and my own life–I had not waived that sweet white flag in surrender. Somehow I missed this step as a faithful Christian and Mom.
Surrendering our lives to Christ means we accept that we are not in control, we accept we do not know what tomorrow will look like, we accept we are flawed. We accept life is beyond our control, we accept our lives are in God’s hands.
Acceptance leads to surrendering our lives in all things–big and small to God. It means motherhood won’t look like we pictured it, it means the issues we face won’t be ones we imagined, it means we have peace–God’s peace.
In the midst of bowing my head in prayer, I realized something that I want to pass on to you; when we commit our lives Christ, we accept his grace. Grace is what opens the door to heaven–not being picture perfect in all we encounter.
I’m guessing you, little mama are a bit like me. You have a brood of kids clambering for your attention, you have expectations of motherhood and still you had expectations of how God would meet you in those tough moments. Here’s my secret besides the mood stabilizer, rest, and lots of chocolate: throw out your expectations and rely on God. Here are 10 verses to copy or print off. Write them down and scatter them around your home. When your heart begins to beat a thunderous chorus of anxiety–face the situation with him.
John 5:30
“I can do nothing on My own initiative. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is just, because I do not seek My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
Isaiah 43:2-3
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. “For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in your place.
1 Corinthians 2:9
but just as it is written, “Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard, And which have not entered the heart of man, All that God has prepared for those who love Him.”
Matthew 7:7-8
“Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you. “For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it shall be opened.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. ‘Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ‘And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. “Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. “For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”
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- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
