Ephesians 5:3 states, “Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
“Mom, is it even possible for me to grow up being sexually pure?” was the question my 13 year old son asked me that stopped me in my tracks. As we sat and talked, I was reminded of the real battle each of our sons and daughters have every day. The sexually tempting billboards along the roads, the relentless commercials flashing sensuality on TV, the constant drumming of sex on the Internet, how do we help navigate them through all of this?
- Talk, talk and more talk. Our boys and girls need to know the truth about sexuality. We need to be the ones they feel comfortable asking the questions to. Be ready for the questions with Biblically based answers. Talk and ask questions about what you see on TV or the billboards on the road. Are the bodies real or airbrushed? Why are they dressed that way? What attention are they seeking? Why don’t we watch that show? What values are they trying to teach or take away from us?
- Teach your children that God made us to be sexual, and what He made is good! Joshua Harris states, “When we embrace our sexuality and claim it for holiness, we are true to who God made us to be. He made us to be holy. In holiness we find the best and ultimately most deeply satisfying expression of our sexuality. And in holiness we experience the truth of what God made.” Encourage your child that the best and most satisfying sex comes through God’s design in marriage. Teach them the real life benefits for years to come through striving to be pure and using the Bible as our guide.
- Memorize scripture. Proverbs is a great book to study as it shows timeless, real life consequences to sexual sin. “My son, give attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding; that you may observe discretion and your lips may reserve knowledge. For the lips of an adulteress drip honey and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps take hold of Sheol.” Proverbs 5:1-5. Again, talk about how this scripture mirrors modern day situations. Give real life examples of how the truth in the scripture plays out in real life. Just because we live in a society that claims there are no consequences to sexual sin, our kids need us to show them there is.
- Buy Godly books for your children to read and then discuss. I am a firm believer in requesting that my kids read good, Godly books. We should not only be praying for their wisdom, but pointing them towards it as well. Here are a few that are being read in our home:
Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. Ryle
Sex is not the problem (lust is), Sexual Purity in a Lust Saturated World by Joshua Harris
Every Young Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
- Pray for them and with them. Pray for wisdom for your children and yourself in this area. Pray for their future mate. Pray with your spouse for your kids.
- Educate your girls on how men are made. Men were created to be strongly attracted to women. When a man sees a woman dressed immodestly he carries a snapshot of her in his memory, and is now forced not to revisit the picture. Do your daughters know that how they dress can actually discourage a godly young man? Have your girls read books written for young men on sexual purity so they can see the real battle men face and change their behavior if needed. I know one of the pastors at our church has his daughters read, “Every Young Man’s Battle”. It can be shocking to girls to know what struggles men have with purity. Our girls need to know the truth about the role they play with the men around them.
- Be the example. Mom, are you dressing to look nice, or to seek men’s attention? Do you focus on drawing attention to your face or to your body? Do you use your body to encourage or discourage Godly men towards sexual purity? What are you entertained with on TV or the movies? Are you being the example your child needs? I know I am either encouraged or discouraged with how other women are dressed, especially around my husband and boys. Remember, what you do in this area really effects all those around you.
So, to answer my son’s question, yes, our children can grow up to be sexually pure. With our God and through his grace nothing is impossible. It is our job to teach and guide our children through the wisdom of God’s unchanging word.
❀What have you learned in this area with raising your kids? I would love to hear from you!❀
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