When parenting means… having a gentle answer

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Some days, parenting is hard.

That was my exhausted thought as I drove my daughter home from swim team one night.

The whole day had been a battle.

I can’t even remember as I write this what the issues were, but it just seemed like everything was a challenge that day.

Maybe it was because we had a busy schedule and I was being impatient. Or maybe it was because she’s a pre-teen and she’s becoming more independent. Whatever the reason, I was frustrated. She was mad.

And it was one of those days.

There we were, driving along on the heels of an argument, and I was done.

I sighed.

She sighed.

I could almost hear her arms crossing in the back seat.

We were both quiet.

And in that silence, as we drove down the freeway, the sun setting in the distance, a thought came to me.

“You know what?” I said.

“What?” she answered, sulking.

“I just realized, even when we have our differences, you and I are still more the same than we are different.”

She didn’t say anything.

“And I think the fact that we disagree sometimes might be good.”

“Why?” Her voice softened.

(Was that the sound of her arms uncrossing?)

“Because I see your determination. You’ve got a strong will, and you can do a lot of great things with that in life.”

“Hmm,” was all she said.

We drove along, maybe another five minutes or so, and then…

“Mommy?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

It took me by surprise.

I smiled in the darkness.

“I love you too.”

“Thank you for taking me to swim tonight.”

I got a lump in my throat.

“You’re welcome.”

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1

Sometimes, as moms, it can be hard to give a gentle answer, especially when we’re in the middle of arguments with our kids. It can be hard to stay positive and calm. And it can be hard to find gentle words that encourage and build up, rather than tear down. And while there are definite times we need to be firm and resolute, there are also times when our kids’ acting out might really be a cry for attention,

a need to know they are cared about,

a deliberate test to see if they are still loved,

even when they act unlovable.

Especially during those times (like that day with my daughter in the car), a gentle answer may be all that is needed to turn things around.

What about you? How do you turn things around when parenting is hard? Here’s a prayer to help:

Dear Lord,

Please give me the wisdom to recognize the reasons behind my kids’ behaviors. Help me to see when they need extra love and attention. Help me to see when they need correction. Give me Your gentle words to say to them, words that will refresh, reset, and encourage even the most challenging situations. Help me to be quick to listen, slow to anger, and overflowing with Your amazing love.

–Amen.

by Genny Heikka

 

Stephanie Shott
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