“Where are all the Titus 2 women?” my 28 year-old self asked. I remember it like it was yesterday but that was 21 years ago and now my boys are men.
Yesterday, I had a conversation with a mother who asked the same thing. And while there seems to be a resurgence of women who are ready and willing to take on the Titus 2 mantle, many of them still wait in the wings wondering if it’s it is realistic to think they can be a mentor.
You see, while we know it’s what we are called to, we also have plethora of not-so-plausible reasons why we can’t. Mentoring is definitely not for sissies, but it’s also not as hard as we tend to think it is. We conjure up some unattainable standards that even the Proverbs 31 woman couldn’t attain and sit quietly in our pew watching the next generation slip through the cracks of faith.
Today, we are going to provide the top 10 list of reasons why women say, “I can’t be a mentor.”
1. I’m too shy. It’s just not my personality to meet people I don’t know. I hate those awkward introductory conversations anyway. (RESPONSE: Everyone is someone you don’t know until you meet them… everyone hates those introductory conversations as much as you.)
2. I don’t know my Bible well enough. (RESPONSE: Being a mentor does not require a Masters in Theology. It just requires that you live out loud for Jesus in front of them and do your best to show them biblical principles by the way you live your life. Not a sinless life, but one that is passionately pursuing to please Christ.)
3. I don’t know what to do when we meet together. What do I teach them? (RESPONSE: You don’t always have to go through a book with someone… and while The M.O.M. Initiative understands there aren’t a lot of resources out there directly related to mentoring moms…and we are working on a book to help you… there are tons of great studies to go through together. If you don’t want to walk through a book with them, just hang out together and be a living epistle for awhile.)
4. I’m not old enough to be a mentor. (RESPONSE: Everyone is old enough to be both a mentor and a mentee. We can all influence those younger than us and we can all learn from those who are older. We should truly function on both sides of the mentor equation.)
5. I’m afraid. (RESPONSE: Almost everyone feels a certain amount of fear in entering into a mentor/mentee relationship. Fear is often a healthy prompt to rely on Jesus and seek to walk through your relationship to the best of your ability. Fear can never be allowed to stop us from fulfilling God’s will.)
6. I feel inadequate. (RESPONSE: Most people feel inadequate too. But a mentor isn’t a woman who has all the right answers and has arrived at perfection – she’s one who is willing to teach from her failures as well as her successes. We don’t have to have it all together and know it all before we can walk through a season of life with someone. We just have to be willing.)
7. I’m afraid she won’t like me. (RESPONSE: Most mentees enter a relationship with a mentor because she looks up to her mentor. She already likes you. And honestly… what if she doesn’t? It happens. Personalities differ and it’s okay.)
8. I don’t have the time. (RESPONSE: Sometimes a valid reason, often an excuse. Sounds a bit harsh, I know. But we really do what we want most of the time. We make time for that which we ‘want’ to do. You may be in a season when time really is an issue, but if you’re not, don’t let it be an excuse.)
9. I don’t know where to meet with a mentee. (RESPONSE: Anywhere. Your church, Starbucks, a sandwich shop, a park, the zoo, the mall, your house, her house… pick a place and begin to nurture your relationship there.)
10. I don’t know anyone who I could mentor. (RESPONSE: Ask the Lord to place a mentee in your life. Look around in your church, in your neighborhood, at the grocery store, at the bank, at your job. Young moms are often desperate for a voice to speak wisdom and truth into their lives. If you live in a rural area and it’s hard to drive into town or too costly to make the trip, there’s always cyber-mentoring. You can be a virtual mentor in the the real life of a young mother. In fact, that’s exactly what The M.O.M. Initiative website is all about. Chat with them on FB, email her or Skype. The internet has really changed the way we communicate, so use it for God’s glory and mentor another mother via the world wide web.)
Many women consider the role of a mentor but quickly reconsider because their own life is a mess. Sweet mom, young mothers aren’t looking for perfect people to come in and give them all the answers, they’re just looking for someone to love them through this season of mommy-hood.
Mentors don’t have to be all that and a bag of chips. In fact, if they think they are then they’re not. Mentors are just women who will be real and vulnerable enough to share from their own failures and strong enough to encourage young moms not to make the same mistakes they did.
Above is a list of 10 reasons why you might say, “I can’t be a mentor.” Have you used any of those? Can you think of other reasons women might say they can’t be a mentor?
Mentors just love. Will you?
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