Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” 1 Corinthians 15:33 NKJV
In our home, when faced with making a decision or setting rules for our children, we tend to measure them by two categories: negotiable and non-negotiable.
Here is an example of a negotiable: My middle son Jake, at thirteen, was a drummer in a worship band. As a band member the only garments he wanted to wear were hideous skinny jeans, a t-shirt and an equally hideous headband. As a mom who, in some ways, took pride in how our family presented ourselves, this was a hard pill for me to swallow.
Mom side note: To give you an idea of how outlandish he looked, one Sunday morning Jake was walking down the sidewalk at church. Our Pastor, who has a wonderful sense of humor, saw Jake and stopped him in his tracks. He took out his cell phone and snapped a picture of Jake. Then he showed Jake his picture and said, “Just in case you’re wondering what you look like, here ya go.” My son laughed it off and was not in the least deterred.
Although I wasn’t fond of my son’s apparel choices, I finally lumped this into our negotiable category as I realized that it was simply a reflection of his current fashion sense, not of his heart. I chose to let him get it out of his system, and guess what? He did! I am happy to report, he now has a fashion sense that would make any momma proud.
Now for one of our very important non-negotiables: Friendships. As mom, from my children’s earliest years, I laid out this non-negotiable standard, and they grew up understanding my expectations where their friends are concerned.
Years ago I heard a phrase that became one of my numerous mothering mantras …
“Show me your friends and I will show you your future.”
This past school year, I was faced with a situation where one of Jake’s friends was getting into a lot of trouble at school and I had red flags going up all over the place. I told Jake about my concerns and gently, but firmly told him that he could no longer hang around with this friend. When he realized that his anger and displeasure would not sway my decision, he pulled out all the stops to convince me that his friend needed him in his life and how he was the only good influence in his life. I actually agreed with him on his clever argument. So, I chose a rare compromise.
I set up a very clear guideline for him. I explained, “Your friend is always welcome in our home as long as your dad or I are here. We will love him as a family and you can still have him in your life … in our home.” Jake happily agreed. His friend; however, did not and quickly walked away from their friendship. Problem solved.
Upon discussing how some of my oldest son, Jordan’s childhood friends, after graduating from high school, have left church, and are away from the Lord, he said to me, “Mom, if you have done anything right as a mom, it was standing firm on who we were allowed to hang around with. I know that I am who I am today partly because of who I did (and didn’t) spend my time with.”
Friendships truly do impact our children’s future. I urge you to make this a very firm non-negotiable standard with your children. While it is best to implement this standard when they are younger, it is never, ever too late.
Additional Scripture on friendships: Proverbs 13:20; Romans 12:9-10; Proverbs 27:17
Do you struggle with your children’s friendships?
By: Shelly Brown
- Ch…ch…ch…CHANGES Are Coming in 2017 for TMI - December 27, 2016
- What New Thing Are You Ready to See God Do in Your Life in 2017? - December 26, 2016
- Heaviness and Newness - December 23, 2016
