Six words. Only six words, but they flew out of my mouth to the heart of my son before I could capture them and lock them away where the sun doesn’t shine. I was immediately sorry and saw the look of injury on his face.  I wanted to take the words back, but they escaped, never to be taken back. Sometimes moms say hurtful things we can’t take back. What’s a mom to do when we regret words we say to our own?

If you’re like me, you watch and wait, hoping to see signs your words weren’t really that bad. You hope you’re over analyzing, but you know you’re not. You might make a joke and hope to cover up the stinky words like Febreze and gym socks. You might make cookie dough and realize you’re trying to buy love back, but that’s not what makes foolish words well. Such words are only healed by grace.

Prescription for healing hurtful words

1. Sit down beside your loved one. Your stance shows you’re humble. Healing starts with humility.
2. Touch them the way they feel loved, but use touch. Hand holding? Hug? Just be close?
3. Say their name, their precious name. They need to know you understand how personal it felt.
4. Say what you believe about the words. “Those words I said were foolish and not true.”
5. Explain why you said them. “I am sinful. Sometimes I don’t let Jesus control my tongue. I was wrong.”
6. Speak the truth to counter the seed lie you planted. “I want you to know the truth … “
7. Make it clear that you regret your sin. “I am so sorry for my hurtful words and so sorry I hurt you.”
8. Ask for grace. “Would you forgive me?”
9. Leave no doubt about your love. “I love you so much and want to bless you, not hurt you.”
10. Learn from it and turn from it. Repentance is only authentic if it prompts change. Work on your sin.

As much as we love our children, even moms are “but flesh.” Sometimes we let our weakness overrule our meekness and we do damage.

Before you bake cookies (Because that’s a great follow up to these 10 steps!) or tell a joke or expect signs that things are truly okay, take time to heal the hurtful words. Hurtful words are healed by grace.

 By Julie Sanders

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Julie Sanders

Julie Sanders and her husband just relocated from the land of sweet tea to the Inland Northwest. The mom of two college students, Julie loves mentoring women around the world, bringing justice to the vulnerable, and teaching God’s truths for life. Julie was blessed when seasoned moms walked the marriage and motherhood journey with her and is grateful “grace abounded much more” (Rom. 5:20) than her failures. She is passionate about fighting human trafficking and is the author of Expectant: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms. Join Julie at Come Have a Peace, on Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest, and don't miss Marriage Mondays. She invites you to contact her about speaking at your women's event or mommy meeting. www.juliesanders.org

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