True Love Doesn’t Always Say Yes

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Sometimes, we love our kids to death.

As moms, we want to give our children everything we possibly can. But what happens when that goes terribly, horribly wrong?

Giving all and saying yes all of the time is called ENABLING. I believe it’s an epidemic in this country.

I see these kids everywhere in our society, even sometimes in my own home. Yup, I have a ten-year-old on the brink of this exact behavior. She can be entitled, self-indulgent and a selfish user. But I have no one to blame but myself and my marshmallow parenting.

For great advice on not being a giant marshmallow parent, check out Joanne Kraft’s book The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Great Kids. It’s the best resource I have found yet on parenting. She is blog writer here at TMI too.

Too many parents want to give their children a pass on easy street. They want to help their child feel less pain. But what does this do for our children? It creates kids who can’t think for themselves, and kids who can’t pick up their own broken pieces. It creates a society of people who don’t take responsibility for their own actions because someone else is always cleaning up their mess for them.

How did my daughter get this way, you ask? I was a single, hard-working mom who let a lot slide for the first nine years of her life. It was often easier to give in and say yes. We were Friday night movie buddies and Saturday morning breakfast pals.

Since, I’ve gotten married, change has come to my little girl’s world. Boundaries and rules have been set. Sometimes, my daughter thinks we have moved to Mars.

Just yesterday, I asked my daughter why she wanted to argue with me about everything. Then, she started arguing with me that she doesn’t argue with me…you get my drift.

Do you want a healthy child who will become a responsible and independent adult who can manage life on their own?

Then follow these few simple, yet not always easy steps:

  1. Set boundaries and stick to them. No means no, and yes means yes.
  2. Say NO when you are compromising your own ideals.
  3. Stick to the Bible for parenting tips.
  4. Pray to God to give you strength to parent well.
  5. Stop trying to be your child’s best friend.
  6. Don’t be the popular mom because you let your child do whatever they want.
  7. When you give a consequence, hold to it. Don’t forget to see your punishment through to the end.
  8. Don’t punish when you are angry. Take a personal time out in your bedroom or bathroom before you dish out the punishment.
  9. Don’t jump on the crazy train with them. This means don’t engage in arguing with your child.
  10. Find good resources to help you parent. Read them and then model them.
It’s not an easy road to try to fix what went wrong in your parenting. It’s hard on you, and it’s hard on your child. But, in the long run setting proper boundaries will create a healthy and peaceful environment in your home. And your children will thrive in this (know what to expect/ consequence driven) household.
 
Don’t forget to find ways to give them positive reinforcement and love. Your child will thrive on your praises.
 
God lays out consequence in our own lives when we sin. So, why not lay out healthy consequences in your own home?
 
Happy parenting!
 
Many Blessings,
 
AllisonD
 
Stephanie Shott
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