How To Train Up A Child

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“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (ESV) 

My eyes flashed angry as my heart squeezed tight and my tongue begged to shoot word arrows back. But by God’s grace, His gentle, giant hand covered my mouth. My tongue stilled, my heart relaxed, and the fire stoked there reduced to embers.

It is when my heart is in embers that I can train my children – not when it is stoked white – hot and angry. In embers it can wait for God’s wisdom and then I can train my children well.

Train a Child

Training is different than angry words spoken in haste, a barely controlled “GO TO TIME OUT,” or even turning my back and ignoring the issue.

Training is a grueling process. Think of a person who wants to run a marathon and hasn’t even run three miles. She finds a training guide “Couch Potato to Marathon” and sets out to reach her goal. The training is difficult. Desire, injury, weather, and circumstances can force her to give up her goal.

But as mothers we don’t get off as easy. We are 24/7 trainers who encourage, build-up, discipline, and correct our children. Circumstances, hormones, lack of sleep, injury, even the weather can make training our children more difficult, but we can’t give up.

So how do we train our children?

  1. Encourage appropriate behavior. Any time you notice a kind action, peaceful interactions, or any form or sacrifice tell your child you noticed. Thank them for their behavior. Use that behavior as an example of what you expect or desire (using kind words).
  2. Speak in a tone you would respond well to. When it is necessary to correct a behavior or to ask a child to stop some behavior speak in kind, but firm tones. Think about how you respond to angry or annoyed tones. Then consider your response when someone confronts you with kind. In the same way you often your child will respond better to kinder tones of voice.
  3. When training or correcting your child model the behavior and even give them words to say. It is easy to tell your child to stop yelling when they are upset. However our children need to know how to appropriately convey their frustration. So give them words. “Next time instead of screaming and hitting your sister say, “Please stop.” If that doesn’t work then come find an adult and calmly explain what happened.”
  4. Remember you are training your children. Yes we would love for our kids to be perfectly behaved all the time. However reality is that kids have minds and emotions of their own. This means we will have to repeat ourselves often. Pray for wisdom to know when it is time to give consequences and when it is time for a talk.
  5. Be aware of your body language and facial expressions. I didn’t even know I was doing it, but my daughter did. “Mom, I hate it when you make that face,” she told me. “What face?” I really didn’t know. Then she showed me an frustrated expression. My facial expressions can convey anger, annoyance, or frustration even when I am fighting for emotional control. So now I try to have a neutral facial expression and I attempt to crouch down (if necessary) to be more on their level. I am pretty sure as they grow I may need a step stool to be “on their level.” The bottom line is to invite communication and even while correcting a child show them honor and love.
  6. Understand that everything you do is training your children. Children have eyes and ears. All we say and do are things they will model. If I do not control my emotions in traffic or towards small annoyances, my kids will learn to do the same. If I don’t ask for forgiveness when I make a mistake neither will they. We should not expect more from our children than we expect from ourselves.

Moms, training children can be exhausting, rewarding, and humbling. In many ways we train our children whether we recognize it or not. So let’s plan to train them in the way they should go.

 

In what ways do you intentionally train your children?

 

By Angela Mackey

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Stephanie Shott
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