As parents, we want to help our children succeed in school.
In my twenty-two years as a classroom teacher (twenty-one as a parent), I’ve seen parent strategies that pay big dividends.
I’ve also seen well-intentioned efforts that actually cost the kids.
Today, I’m going to start a series in which we explore one support strategy and one form of sabotage.
Support 1: Help your child learn their multiplication tables.
Through the 20s. As soon as possible. I’m not suggesting “super baby” tactics. But do take advantage of edutainment software programs that will drill your child over and over again. Make your mantra, “We’re gonna keep on trying ‘til we get ‘em all right!”
A parent once accused me of giving “way too much” math homework. It was unreasonable for me to expect her 7th grader to spend 2 hours a night on math! I agreed and asked if we could go through a few math problems together with the student.
As we walked through the problems together on the white board, the mother was dismayed to hear her daughter struggling with basic multiplication facts: “4×6…21? 27? 22?” She soon realized that I wasn’t giving 2 hours of homework each night. The problem was her daughter’s lack of basic math skills, which caused 20 minutes worth of homework to stretch on forever.
Once this student’s multiplication skills were up to speed, her homework time decreased, while her confidence–and enjoyment of math–rose.
Sabotage 1: Talk negatively about the teacher to your child.
The mother in the example above had been blaming me to her daughter for several months before she talked directly to me. This gave her daughter license to get mouthy with me in class, “forget” her homework, and “lose” her notes.
After we met, the mother started telling her daughter that I was a caring capable teacher. She instructed her to sit in the front row, listen, and take notes. She called and e-mailed me often to make sure her daughter was turning in homework and paying attention in class.
At first, the student resented me for bringing her mother “over to the dark side.” But as her math grades improved, she soon considered me a “favorite” teacher not because of anything I was doing differently but because of the changes in her mother’s–and her own–attitude toward me.
I’ve always remembered, and tried to emulate, one parent who spoke with utmost respect about all teachers while within her child’s hearing. When she needed to express a concern or disagreement during a parent-teacher conference, she excused her child, “talked turkey” with the teacher, and then moved back into your-teacher-and-I-are-in-this-together mode when the child returned.
How do you support your child’s school success? How might you be engaging in well-intentioned sabotage?
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